Angela's Musings

Mocha Monday - Taxi Edition

2012-01-30T08:46:00.000-08:00

Lately, I'm mostly drinking my coffee while I drive. We leave about 6 a.m. (sometimes earlier) to take Bill to work. Problem is, my body does NOT wake up that early. He is gracious to wake me in enough time for me to scoot to the car for the ride. He makes my coffee and hands it to me. What a guy! I have 35 minutes to sip my coffee, snooze a little, sip some more coffee, and prepare myself for the drive back...the one where I will actually be driving in a somewhat sedated state. I have to admit, I've had a couple of close calls this past week due to my inability to stay awake at the wheel, and am extremely grateful for God's protection. I've learned that I stay awake better with conversation, so I listen to talk radio rather than music to engage my mind. Sometimes I call a friend on the east coast or my early-bird dad to keep me talking.

Life continues to be extremely full and tiring, but very rewarding at the same time. This week I picked up a big packet from a specialist's office that we've been waiting on for months, to help us work better with one of our kids. The very same day, I got the initial packet in the mail from another office to fill out for another child, so that we can assess his needs. I felt a little overwhelmed staring at the two packets. One packet represented 10 years of waiting for some answers. The other signifies the beginning of a journey that I'm not sure I have the energy to begin. But God knows.

I spent this last weekend with our women's ministry core team on a working retreat. We played a little and went for some good walk-n-talks, but the majority of our time was literally spent discussing the discipleship process. We asked questions like: How do we identify growth? How do we know we are coaching well? What is the difference between a small group and a class? How do we know we are moving people through the discipleship process? I love these ladies. Truly I do. I'm humbled that I get to serve with them.

It was also brother #1's birthday this weekend. I love family get-togethers and could just about eat my little niece up . Here is a picture of her helping daddy blow out the candles on his cake.

I realize this picture may creep some of you out a bit. But I just have to share my fondness for this little guy. Who knew lizards could have a personality?...but boy does he. Pedro's become my little work buddy and often sits on my shoulder while I'm at the computer. This week he climbed down and discovered how warm the keyboard felt. I may have a little trouble keeping him off now.

I didn't get my book loaded on Kindle last week. So that is a goal again this week...along with us making a decision about Bill's surgery, seeing if we can qualify to maybe buy a home, and delivering our van to the junk yard....oh, ya..and taxes! woot. woot.

What do you have planned this week?

Stoplight Day Report

2012-01-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago, I told you about a spirit week theme my son's school sponsored, called Stoplight Day. The school website said to wear green if you are available, yellow if "its complicated" and red if you're taken.

I mentioned it on Facebook and got scores of comments from those who were equally appalled as I was. First of all I wrote the four principles with some brief thoughts. I didn't hear back from any of them, so I went to the school office and asked some questions about who was in charge of the event, etc, and found out that I was the only parent who had complained. I left a personal message at the office, letting them know I really did want to speak to someone about it.

I did finally get an e-mail from the principal, who thanked me for my concerns and asked if we could meet the next week sometime. In the meantime, I decided to take a poll from my website just to get a wide variety of feedback from others. You can read those results here.

Years ago, I would have marched in somewhere and let.my.voice.be.heard. But God has really tempered me quite a bit, and I put a few key things into practice.

You see, turns out that some kids really pulled the wool over the administration's eyes. The team in charge of this event didn't give the full plan to the administration. They just suggested the colors. "Instead of dividing the classes by colors," they said, "Let everyone just pick what color of the stoplight they want to be. It will be more unifying that way, you see."

Of course the kids then spread the word of mouth about how you were supposed to choose the color they wore, and snuck the fully worded announcement onto the web past eyes that weren't being too careful at proofing, since they had already approved the theme.

At the point I met with the principal, she honestly thought the kids had just twisted this into something they came up with to be kids. She didn't realize that Stoplight Day wasn't just something that she came up with. It is something night clubs host. It is a kind of party people through to facilitate hook-ups. It isn't original, nor was it good.

The principal was horrified and embarrassed, and our meeting was really good.

Here are a few tips that I think helped make this process successful:

Speak Up: I was really amazed that I was the only parent that spoke up. I know that I wasn't the only parent bothered. I think we often assume that people know their house is on fire, so to speak, and we don't want to add to the chaos. But sometimes they don't know their own house is on fire, and someone needs to act.

Be Humble: I did not go on a rampage. I was not demanding. I asked for an appointment and waited until it was granted. I was respectful to those I dealt with.

Assume the Best: I asked lots of questions, trying to make sure I really understood the intent and motivations behind what happened, not assuming that the administration was handing all of our kids over to hell in a hand basket.

Speak Truth in Love: I had information that the administration apparently didn't have, and they needed to hear it. But they needed to hear it in the right spirit from someone who showed care and concern for what was happening...not just being critical.

Be Prepared: I had lots of information going in....information I knew, information I had gathered from others. The preparation helped me to be confident. But in this case, in the end, I didn't even need everything I had prepared. The principal agreed that what had happened was very wrong. She just didn't realize that it wasn't innocent or unintentional.

Commit to be Involved in the Solution: The school has a Parent Action Council that I hadn't joined or been a part of this year. The principal made her case that she needs parents that will use their voice to be a part of that. Duh. Yeah. My bad.

What do you need to speak up about today?

Mocha Monday - Limbo Edition

2012-01-23T08:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday!!

Did I tell you my kids have "late start" on Monday? Yep! They get to start school an hour to an hour and a half later EVERY Monday. I'm currently trying to rouse the kids that got extra sleep and are more tired than ever and don't think they could survive a day of school...but they will.

Last week the boys had Monday off for MLK day and Friday off for a snow day. They get this Friday off too. I think I need to go back too school.

We've had lots of snow. Finally. It's been a really late winter around here. The kids love tunneling and sledding and snowboarding and snowball fighting in our mountain yard. I'm thankful that the car we have is four wheel drive. I had two very near accidents last week, one involving completely sliding off into the median on the interstate. I didn't hit anything or damage anything! Total miracle....and was able to just hop right back on the interstate without getting stuck.

Life feels very limbo-ish right now. We are still doing the one car thing. We're unclear still concerning whether Bill will still have to have surgery. The alternative treatments don't seem to be helping much. I got some not-so-great news about my job this last week and am praying about how we are going to make up for some things. It seems that the only real alternative to cutting expenses is to stay with one car and maybe move closer to Bill's job....but there are a few complications to that.

Our church is embarking on a journey of faith this year, and we are all being challenged to evaluate/pray about some things. Bill and I have honestly been frustrated because the more we pray, the more we are willing to give and sacrifice and obey and do whatever God asks....the more confusing and unclear everything becomes. We know God is not the author of confusion, but that we are to..."fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2) So we keep praying and trusting that He will reveal what we are to do...and maybe it is just to keep living one day at a time, reminded that we don't always have the answers.

In the meantime, my book should be on Amazon (Kindle ready) by the end of this week. Yippee!! Maybe God would choose to bless that? Would you pray with me about that?

Mocha Monday

2012-01-16T01:09:00.000-08:00

Wow! What a week! I took this picture last week of my purple and gold LSU finger nails, but never got my post written.

Here's a little secret...I could care less about football...or sports in general for that matter. But I show love to Superman by painting my nails purple and gold for big LSU games.

They lost anyway, so apparently my nails hold no magic power, but they still make my husband smile.

I'm continuing to play taxi driver, as we are still down to one vehicle. It is starting to wear me out a bit, but it is what it is. I get up about 5:30 a.m. to take Superman to work, then do high school and elementary school runs before work. When I get off work, I do it all again in reverse order.

Lifer MOMS (the moms group I'm coaching at church) launched on Tuesday morning. It was amazing, and I'm overwhelmed at what God is doing and how he is providing for this ministry. I'll blog more about it later and share more. Right now we have 80 women signed up, and of course childcare is full. Of course in a kick-off week like this, it takes about 150% of your time to get things going. I was at church or team meetings seven out of seven days this week. I love every minute of it.

BUT....by Saturday, the fridge contained ketchup and ranch. No one had any clean clothes, and you couldn't really find the furniture for the dust settled on top. It is now 1 a.m., but we have groceries, clean clothes, and visible furniture. I also took a three hour nap today!! Woo hoo!!

The good news today? There is no school. I'm sending Superman with the car, and I won't be able to go anywhere. Nanner nanner.

Have a great Monday!!

Crazy Love

2012-01-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

Once in awhile I read a really good book. I mean a REALLY good book. I remember the first book I read that really got me interested in Christian non-Fiction: The Body by Chuck Colson (now updated as Being the Body) It is the book that made me start thinking about the church the way I believe God thinks about the church.

Then last summer there was Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman - the first book that I read cover to cover in one sitting.

Crazy Love by Francis Chan is one of those books...one of those REALLY good books. If I could some it up shortly, I would say
"Someone finally had the guts to say it!"

Francis is challenging to the core, the heart of what I would say is simply "American Christianity." He challenges the excuses we give ourselves and the labels we've come up with on our own to justify our apathy toward the one who loves us like crazy.

In the chapter, "Serving Leftovers to a Holy God" Francis says:

"The thought of a person calling himself a 'Christian' without being a devoted follower of Christ is absurd."

Let's think about it. We were never told to make converts or become "Christians". That is a term we came up with. I'm not saying it is a bad term, but we have to define it right. Scripture says, "Go and make disciples."

"Some people claim that we can be Christians without necessarily becoming disciples. I wonder, then, why the last thing Jesus told us was to go into the world, making disciples of all nations, teaching them to obey all that He commanded? You'll notice that He didn't add, 'But hey, if that's too much to ask, tell them to just become Christans - you know, the people who get to go to heaven without having to commit to anything.'"

He makes some really bold statements, like:

"As I see it, a lukewarm Christian is an oxymoron; there's no such thing. To put it plainly, churchgoers who are 'lukewarm' are not Christians. We will not see them in heaven."

He explains Revelation 3 so that the reader can understand that Jesus was never referring to Christians in that passage.

Francis contrasts the profile of the lukewarm with the profile of the obsessed. The lukewarm ask things like,

"How far can I go before it is considered a sin? in stead of "How can I keep myself pure as a temple of the Holy Spirit?" They ask, "How much do I have to give?" instead of "How much can I give?"

I can't recommend this book enough. I really believe it is one that everyone claiming Christianity should read. You won't go away unchallenged.

"My suggestion as you think, make decisions, and discern how God would have you live is to aks yourself, 'Is this the most loving way to do life? Am I loving my neighbor and my God by living where I live, by driving what I drive, by talking how I talk?' I urge you to consider and actually live as though each person you come into contact with is Christ."

Stoplight Day

2012-01-05T21:27:00.000-08:00

My son's high school had spirit week this week in honor of an upcoming rival basketball game. I personally was super disturbed by the theme on Wednesday. It was called Stoplight Day. In other words, wear green if you are available, yellow if "its complicated" and red if you're taken.

I personally was appalled.

When I mentioned this on Facebook I got scores of comments letting me know it wasn't just me that thought this was ridiculous. However, the school is currently holding an opinion of it being "innocent fun." The principal has agreed to meet with me next week, and I would like to show her the thoughts of the masses.

Would you help me out?

I would love it if you would click over to my website and fill in your thoughts. I'd appreciate it if you'd share your first name, but you can remain as anonymous as you'd like. Your comments will not be visible to others.

CLICK HERE!

The Reading List

2012-01-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

I like to read. A LOT. I usually have several books going at once. Here's what I'm reading now:

Morning Devotions:

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

NIV Daily Bible: In Chronological Order

In the purse for wherever I find myself waiting on someone:

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo

By my bed for those quick quiet escapes:

The Unquenchable Worshipper by Matt Redman

The heavy duty one I'm previewing through Booksneeze:

Healing is a Choice by Stephen Arterburn

(You'll have a review on this soon.)

Just finished and will be posting about later this week:

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

So what's on your book list? Any new plans for your times with God in 2012? I'd love to hear them!

Blog Features

2012-01-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

Just some quick reminders....

Feedburner has made some changes at some point, and I missed it. So I just re-installed the button to have blog posts delivered in your e-mail. If you'd like to read that way, you can just fill in your e-mail address in the button on the sidebar....the one that looks like this:

Or...you can have the posts sent to your "reader" of choice by clicking on this one:

Subscribe in a reader

I've also started a newsletter. I plan on sending out a newsletter monthly or so. So if you're not really into reading blogs all the time, but you want to stay informed, you can sign up for that with this button:

Mocha Monday - Happy 2012!

2012-01-02T19:25:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012!! I hope God is blessing you in the New Year! I actually decorated for New Years this year....with blue and white and sparkly stuff. That's my precious parents there in the background.

Our New Year started off with bang...or rather a clunk...you know the sound your transmission makes when it is done for good? Ya, that kind. So we're on our knees about what is next there.

Tomorrow morning we'll take Bill to see the surgeon about his fourth leg surgery and find out how extensive the work will need to be. The last surgery Bill had, the doctor said we'd probably be looking at knee replacement the next time around. Bill has been in a tremendous amount of pain this week, so we're really ready to get an action plan.

I have to tell you, that it is times like these that I'm glad I don't believe that our financial prosperity and health are a direct relationship to God's favor on our lives. It is also times like these, that I almost have to lean my head back and laugh because the "issues" are so big, that we honestly have no options of our own. It is in that time, that I just look up to the sky and say "Ok, God. What's your plan?" ...and I know that it has to be in His hands because there is nothing in my mine.

Besides all of that....We had a really nice Christmas with all of my family together for that one day. We got a good picture of the five of us kids. I love my brothers!

Lifer MOMS is kicking off on January 10. Tomorrow is our last leadership meeting. I'm having a blast working with these moms and can't wait to see what God is going to do this year. If your local, I'd love to see you join us!

My Favorite Part of a New Year

2011-12-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

I took an extra day off work yesterday. I've officially been sick for a month now, and I've officially had it. I finally went to the doctor and got some antibiotics, so hopefully I'll be on the mend soon.

I also hosted four extra boys yesterday. Yep, that means eight. We had dental appointments and juggling practice in the morning (that's when I escaped to the doctor), and then brought a bunch of extras home to play for the day. Sometimes its just easier to let them all have their friends over all at once.

But in the midst of it all, I did one of my very favorite things yesterday. I got a new calendar!! Yep!...you know one of those fancy ones that you get for a dollar? Oh, and I bought a sheet of calendar stickers too. I came home and pulled the old calendar off the wall, so I could transfer birthdays and the few January appointments that had be scratched around the edges of the old calendar.

I LOVE this! I know it sounds silly, but there is something magical about this for me. For a brief moment, I can see my year as clean and fresh and new with endless possibilities. The only things on the calendar are celebrations...birthdays and holidays, all marked with a cute little sticker. The year looks like nothing but opportunity and fun.

Of course, in about a week, the calendar will be full of events and appointments and things others have planned for me. That's why this time is really important. This is the time to decide with God what this year should look like before I fill it up with things others say should happen.

Are you asking God what your year should like like? I sure am!

Mocha Monday - Christmas Panic

2011-12-18T21:19:00.000-08:00

So I've heard that Christmas is six days away. This poses a bit of a problem for me. I haven't done our annual Christmas letter, baked our traditional cookies, or planned Christmas dinner. We started shopping two days ago...and really haven't accomplished much at all.

We had a great family night on Saturday, though. We went to a drive through Nativity at our church and then headed to a gingerbread house display at a very old hotel in downtown Spokane. Then we hit the mall, where our very talented boys ended up doing a spontaneous juggling performance in the middle of the game store.

I have bought one very important gift, though. Its the gift for my niece. Let me back up here a bit. My brother and his wife waited about twelve years to have Audrey. So the for the first many years of my kids' life, they only had my kids to buy for...and I think they enjoyed it. My brother is a bit ornery, though...and a bit of a sap for large and noisy toys. Every year something huge would show up. In fact, when we moved back to Idaho, I packed all the stuffed animals in a huge box labeled, "Extremely large stuffed mammals that my relatives buy my children just to annoy me."

So guess what! It's payback time, and Auntie has found a great gift. Mwahaha!

Anyway....I'm struggling to stay focused on Christ's birth today, and am praying that as I spend this week working retail, cleaning for family coming in, and preparing to do all the things I haven't gotten done, that God will transform and energize my heart from the inside out.

What about you?

Perfect Plans and The Living Word

2011-12-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

Reprinted from my old blog...December 24, 2007

Does anyone remember Ally McBeal? I don't recommend the show forthe content, but I loved its artistry. I am Ally McBeal, in a redeemed sort ofway. Ha! Ha! I love the way she would picture the perfect scenario in her headand then the backward record zi-i-i-p sound would shake her back to reality andwhat was really happening.

This morning had aperfect beginning. My husband got up and showered, then woke me to let me knowhe had a fire ready for me in the fireplace. I got up and made a cup of hot,throat-soothing, green tea, helped my hubby pack up a plate of treats and writea card for his co-worker, moved the car seats, and then settled on the couch -in front of the fire- with my Bible- and my hot tea. Perfect!

But, alas, thetreat tray shifted, a cookie broke. It all needed re-packed. In helping Billwith his rush to get out the door, the fire got out of control and filled thehouse with smoke. I rushed to open the door and fan the smoke out before thesmoke alarm went off and woke all the children. Z-I-I-I-I-P!!! There wentperfection. I plopped down on the couch in a smoke-filled room, with the dooropen to the 30 degree temperatures.

God was mercifulto me this morning, and I was still able to spend some good time in the Wordbefore the first little munchkin woke up. But the other scenario...kids up,smoke alarm going off, cold house, no quiet time...is the more typical event inthe life of a mom whose heart is set on having time with God. The best plansand intentions often end up in frustration and shattered hopes. I think it iseven harder on moms who work so hard to make time with God happen, and it iscontinually squashed. To make the sacrifice of getting up early to have thattime, to have it slip from your hands like oil, often causes more anger than not having planned the time with Godat all. (Such is the point of Never Go Hungry Again: A Spiritual Nutrition Guide for Moms, which I just released...four years after this post.)

So this isfor all my weary mom friends: I was explaining to a friend this week whowas hashing out with me her own feelings about the guilt that comes from notbeing in the Word like she wants to, and yet literally being almost physciallyheld back from the opportunity to do so. I was encouraging her, and I'd like todo it for you as well, to dwell on the Living Word. Jesus is the Word. He isthe Living Word, the Word made flesh. God's Word is his breath, his thoughts,his council to us. But when the Living Word lives inside of you, He can breathethat same Word into you when you don't even have time to sit and read. Now,don't run away with this and think I'm someone who believes that whateverthought comes to your mind is from the Lord. But when your heart is seeking,when you are hungry and desperate to hear from Him, TELL HIM!! Ask Himquestions. "Lord, I don't know how to handle this. What should I do?""Lord, I'm torn to pieces about this, what do I do with my feelings?""Lord, I'm angry right now, how do I be Christ to this person?!" Godis spirit and we must worship Him in Spirit and truth. Don't be afraid to hearfrom Him through your Spirit. He is the Living Word, and He will answer Yourquestions. This isn't a substitute for being in God's Word. Because His Spiritwill often help you recall Scripture you've learned before to answer yourquestions. If you are NEVER in the Word, there is nothing to recall. But, dwellon the Living Word.

Our pastor andworship team focused on John 1 this week in our Christmas services. I was onceagain soaked in these thoughts of the Living Word Who was in heaven with Godand was God, Who had a hand in all of creation, Who became flesh to dwell amongus, and breathes His Word into us. So for all of you who haven't been able tohave a chance to curl up in front of the fire with your Bible yet today and arebouncing a fussy baby on your knee, take a minute to ask God to breathe intoyou - and then read this:

John 1 - Study This Chapter

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, andthe Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all thingswere made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life,and that life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has notunderstood it. 6 There came a man who was sent from God; his name was John. 7He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him allmen might believe. 8 He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness tothe light. 9 The true light that gives light to every man was coming into theworld. 10 He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, theworld did not recognize him. 11 He came to that which was his own, but his owndid not receive him. 12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed inhis name, he gave the right to become children of God-- 13 children born not ofnatural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. 14The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory,the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace andtruth. 15 John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, "Thiswas he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me has surpassed me because he wasbefore me.'" 16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received oneblessing after another. 17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truthcame through Jesus Christ. 18 No one has ever seen God, but God the One andOnly, who is at the Father's side, has made him known.

Soak it in!

What brings you joy?

2011-12-15T08:00:00.000-08:00

I mentioned Monday that our church hosted a women’sChristmas brunch on Saturday. Our ticketsales had gotten a little out of hand for this little event. We had originallyplanned for 500 women, but as we saw how quickly tickets were selling, wedecided we better plan for 50 more, then 75 more, then 100 more. Finally when700 tickets had sold, we decided we had to consider it “sold out”. We weren’t even sure how we’d pull it off atall.

Part of our “pulling it off” plan was that several of usleaders just decided we’d only be there to serve. If we got sit, fine. If not,fine. If we got to eat, fine. If not, fine.

We were running and scrambling to do little last minutethings here and there. People kept asking me if I was ever going to get to sitdown and enjoy myself.

The thing was, I was enjoying myself immensely….well besidesthe fact that I felt like death.

The truth is, I love to serve… and I love to give. My time and energy are what I have to giveright now, and I wouldn’t have wanted to do anything else that day.

What about you? What brings you joy? What is that niche thatmakes you feel fulfilled and joyful and energized?

I’ve learned that when you are doing what God made you todo, it doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice.

I hope you’ve found your spot.

The Mom Cave

2011-12-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard that some homes have a “man cave.”…you know thatplace where the man can go to escape with his remote, his recliner, and whatever else he thinks he needs.

Well, at my house, we don’t need a man cave. The whole houseis a man cave. For goodness sake, even our dog and our lizard are boys.

I love my house full of men and boys. I really do. I don’t mind the noise (most of the time). Idon’t even mind them watching football and burping together. But every now and then, I do time out.Sometimes I’d just like the option of watching a mushy movie without everyonegroaning and whining 635 times during those two hours to please change the channeland ask what’s for dinner.

So I decided something . Our house doesn’t need a man cave.It needs a mom cave. I need a place Ican go to escape the rest of the house. So I’ve been working harder at makingour bedroom a place I can just retreat to. I got an old television from the thrift store for the days I’m just donewith football, wrestling, and poker tournaments…for days when I just can’t lookat one more crumb-coated counter top.

So I’ve created my mom cave. I retreat with my laptop, abook, or a Hallmark movie…and you know what? The strangest thing has happened.My family starts to miss me…and they come and ask what they can do for me. Mychildren delight in bringing me a cup of hot cocoa or offering to make dinner.

It seems to me that the mom cave is accomplishing more thanI even thought it would. It has provided me with a place to rejuvenate andescape, but it has also called my men to action. To realize that mom’s tiredand needs a break from serving. Without me even asking, they seem to havefigured it out.

I love giving my men and boys an occasion to arise to.

How do you receive?

2011-12-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

My main job on Saturday at our women's brunch was to coordinate the handing out of the gift bags at the end. Now, I didn't make these bags. Others had put lots of work into hand-stamping green trees on these brown bags and tying them with raffia...after filling them with all kinds of information about women's ministries. Each bag had a handmade ornament in it. Talk about work! See what 700 gift bags look like sitting on tables?

All I had to do was clean up the tables in the back of the auditorium that had been used for sign ups, get them moved to the foyer, remove all the stanchions from the foyer that had guided everyone's entrance, and get the bags out. Our mission was to personally hand each one to each woman. I didn't do this by myself...cause our church does team. As soon as you start something, umptymillion people dive in and help.

But what I observed that morning was very interesting. Now we had 700 women there. Some of them were church members, but many had been invited by friends and co-workers as guests. We provided a top-notch environment, menu, and program. Everyone felt spoiled. ...and I can say that truly based on the murmurings I heard and because I honestly didn't do any of the planning.

The women heard about Jesus. They heard about him historically through a monologue by Mary. They heard about his power through a story where he healed two women in Scripture, and they heard about his power through the testimonies of women in our church that God had healed.

The choice to respond to the gift of Jesus was all theirs. Take him or leave him.

Now the way the women reacted to receiving a gift on the way out the door, doesn't necessarily speak of their decision of what to do with Jesus, but I find it interesting all the same.

Many (most) of the women cheerfully accepted the bag and were grateful. That is the response I would expect. I never expected anything less. But several women had to be prodded.

"I don't need one."

"I'll share with her."

"Are you sure you have enough?"

A couple of women put there hands up and flat out refused to take one, making it clear they did. not. want. it.

So my question today is....what are you doing with Jesus?

Are you one that has cheerfully and fully received him and accepted what he can do for you? Are you one that has thrown your hands up and said. "No way. I don't want him. I don't need him. I will not choose him."....or are you one of the many in the middle that feels like maybe you'd like the gift, but you don't really need it....you don't really deserve it. Maybe you feel like there isn't really enough of him for you. Others need him more. You aren't important enough to be noticed. Or are you trying to get by on sharing someone else's Jesus?

I'm telling you, woman, there is enough of him for you. You can't get by on someone else's Jesus! He wants to be YOURS! I'm not even just talking about receiving and accepting him...letting him be your Lord. But what about beyond that. What about the power he wants to show in your life? What about the healing he wants to do? What about the way he wants to transform you from insecure, broken, and weak to a woman who he is using?

Are you able to receive? Because he is SO ready to give.

Mocha Monday - sans Mocha

2011-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Wowzers! Its been a doozy of a week around here. My love for mochas has taken a back seat to hot tea with honey....and nyquil, and dayquil and garlic cloves and vitamins.

But there is no rest for the weary. Of course this was one of the busiest weeks of the year!

Last Monday, we put up our Christmas tree. When you live on a mountain, there is no sense in spending money on a tree. So my most excellent woodsman took on the task.

The thing about trees is that they look a lot smaller on themountain, than they do in your house?

We have the fluffiest tree ever! It is about as big aroundas it is tall, and the kids think it is AWESOME…of course that is what matters.

Tuesday, I got a girlie night out on the town with the women's ministry team I serve on.

I got a little giddy with my camera at the Davenport. I'd never been there, nor have I been to the Festival of Trees. I'm a sucker for the Victorian era architecture.

Wednesday we headed to another Christmas party.

Thursday, the school Christmas program that never disappoints.

Friday was Bill’s birthday, and his office Christmas party –which means he scored a free steak dinner.

Saturday was our women’s Christmas brunch at church. We hadover 700 women, and those that organized it did a phenomenal job. The message was so powerful. It was truly ourheart that the women that came would experience Jesus, and I believe they did.

By the time Saturday afternoon rolled around, I was doubledone.” Lock myself in my room with the Kleenex box, orange juice and theHallmark channel” done.

How has your week been?

Channels Only

2011-12-01T08:00:00.000-08:00

I grew up singing lots of hymns. As a young adult, I got tired of them as most young adults do. I guess my age is starting to show because I'm starting to get reminiscent of the good ol' hymns. Don't get me wrong, you'll always find me blasting my modern praise and worship, but there is just something about the rich words of these old songs.

I found myself singing one this last weekend because it goes so well with what God has been doing in my heart lately. It's called Channels Only and was written by Mary E. Maxwell in 1900. Here are the lyrics, and if you'd like to hear the tune, you can play the video below (the least cheesy one I could find).

I want to be nothing more than a channel that God's love and power flows through.

How I praise Thee, precious Savior,
That Thy love laid hold of me;
Thou hast saved and cleansed and filled me
That I might Thy channel be.

Just a channel full of blessing,
To the thirsty hearts around;
To tell out Thy full salvation
All Thy loving message sound.

Emptied that Thou shouldest fill me,
A clean vessel in Thy hand;
With no power but as Thou givest
Graciously with each command.

Witnessing Thy power to save me,
Setting free from self and sin;
Thou who boughtest to possess me,
In Thy fullness, Lord, come in.

Jesus, fill now with Thy Spirit
Hearts that full surrender know;
That the streams of living water
From our inner self may flow.

Channels only, blessèd Master,
But with all Thy wondrous power
Flowing through us, Thou canst use us
Every day and every hour.

Platform, Schmatform

2011-11-29T08:00:00.000-08:00

Source

Ask any expert, and they'll tell you, "You're biggest key to success as an author is to build your own platform."

You need to Twitter, and there is a certain way to Twitter. You need to have a Facebook fan page, and the more fans the better. You need to have an e-mail mailing list and figure out how to get people to sign up for it. You need to blog...and often...and respond to ALL your commentors.

It's exhausting, and I hate it.

Every time I work on building my own platform, I feel as if I'm living out Matthew 6:2

“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full."

What is the goal of building a platform? To get people to follow you.

But I don't want people to follow me. I want them to follow Jesus.

I've been wrestling over this a lot this week. ...the whole "everyone says to do this, but it doesn't feel right" thing.

Francis Chan was speaking at our church last week. Very few would argue that if anyone on earth were worth following, he would be a good one. Since we were getting to hear him speak, I decided to do my typical research. Does he have a website? Does he have a blog? Does he have a Facebook fan page? Twitter?

Guess what I found out. Francis Chan doesn't Twitter. Francis Chan has a blog, and he blogs every now and then. But his posts aren't open to comments. When he is introduced to speak, he shies away from applause, closes his eyes and begins to pray.

Beth Moore doesn't have a Facebook fan page. She starts her sessions on her knees and leaves the stage before you know she is gone.

Why? Because Beth knows its not about Beth. Francis knows its not about Francis.

...and Angela is learning that its not about Angela. I want to be like the greats - not the ones that everyone wants to follow, but the ones who are true to their calling ....the ones that are willing to do as Jesus did by speaking in parables so that those who wanted more would seek more.

Do I want lots of people to read my book? Well, I think so. Maybe. But does it matter? What I really want is moms to follow Jesus. If my book is a good tool, then praise God.

But I think I've decided something. Platform Schmatform. Not sure I want one.

Mocha Monday

2011-11-28T08:00:00.000-08:00

We just got back from a nice four day trip to see my parents in Oregon. We haven't been since last Thanksgiving!

I'm the oldest of five, and I just love getting together with everyone. Unfortunately, only two of us kids made it home for this year. It was just me (well, the 6 of "me") and my youngest brother who is in college at Southern Oregon University.

We had great fun cooking ...

....and sharing six pies!

.....and putting up mom and dad's Christmas tree!

....and being silly with the ornaments!

One new adventure for me this year is sticking to a healthy way of eating during the holidays. I haven't met my weight goal yet, but I've worked really hard to take off what I've had. I'm determined not to just put it all back on over the holidays.

So this was my Thanksgiving, potion control style....and you know what? I didn't starve. I felt good. So here's to new habits!

Happy Monday!

Blessings!

Stuck - a BookSneeze Review

2011-11-25T21:52:00.001-08:00

I just finished doing "Stuck"....and it is fantastic! First of all, I love the versatility ofthis study. The language is simple enough to be done by a new believer. Thecontent is deep enough to challenge the long-time Christian. It speaks to thosewho have simply lost the joy of their salvation, and those who are trying toget the hang of the whole thing altogether. The whole premise for the study isliving the abundant life God intended for us by leaving behind the lessabundant things we’ve been holding on to….things that have no eternal value.

I love Jennie's casual style in the videos. She is often barefoot, casually dressed, and just talks straight to you. I also lovethat the video sessions are short enough (about 10 minutes) to leave a lot of good discussion time in a groupsession.

The study guide itself is unlike any I’ve seen. Jennie mixes digging into Scripture passageswith introspective journaling and actual service projects. This isn’t just ahead-knowledge type of study. Thehomework is short enough to do the whole lesson in 30-45 minutes. It alsoworked great for me to keep in my purse and do in paragraph chunks as I foundmyself in a waiting room or a carpool line.

Overall, I’m really excited about the Stuck Study. In fact, I’veadded it to our women’s ministry Bible study list for this winter…and I’manticipating more work by Jennie Allen.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

My annual plea for you to be nice

2011-11-25T08:00:00.000-08:00

If you're like the rest of America, you'll be letting your turkey settle later on today, while you rifle through sales fliers, planning your black Friday shopping expeditions.

I may end up out there too at some point, but not until after work. Yep! I work retail right now. It is my day job. Specifically, I work customer service.

Every year I like to take a moment to remind my friends and readers to be nice when they are shopping. Most customer service agents, cashiers, and store employees don't make enough money to deal with your attitude. They are missing their own shopping opportunities. They may have even had to work on Thanksgiving Day, so you could shop. They probably don't have a choice about their schedule.

Store employees don't set company policy. They don't make the sales. They usually don't place the stock orders, or design the ads. They can't help if things were advertised wrong or if the store runs out of something.

Black Friday will be stressful and busy for them, and they will make mistakes. Occasionally, they will even be stupid. But they need grace just like you.

So I have a challenge for you as you shop this season. See if you can treat every employee you encounter as if they were a good friend that you'd like to know better. Ask Jesus to show you how you can show his love with those you encounter.

...and if you get bored today, give me a call at work. I'll sell ya somethin'!

Thankful for the Journey

2011-11-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

I sat in my friend's office today and recounted the journey of this last year, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude.

About a year ago, I went with some old friends to Living Proof Live with Beth Moore. Her message seemed to speak straight to me. Before going, I had just about come to the end of myself. I had known since I was young that God had a calling on my life. I knew that he had gifted me to teach and to speak and to write. I knew that he intended for me to use those gifts. But honestly, I just wasn't finding the open doors to do that.

Beth's message spoke directly to those that felt that calling. She challenged us to remember that we were responsible for our gift. We were responsible to use it. We were responsible to fan the flame of our gift. God gave it to us. He didn't ask others to be responsible for our gifts or to make ways for us to use our gifts. She even at one point said that if you couldn't find a way to use your gift, perhaps you were in the wrong place.

I processed all of this with my friends through lots and lots of tears. I was kind of feeling like I was going to have to find a "new place." The heart-breaking part is that I had no desire to move on. It wasn't a stubbornness to not move, but just a deep commitment to those I call family and no desire to leave them.

Bill and I prayed and prayed over the next several months about what we needed to do, and God said, "Hang in there."

I remember going to our church harvest party dressed as a "little flame," and "tattooing" the Greek for "fan the flame" across my neckline.

Hang in there. Be patient. I'm working. Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.

....and we did.

Part of "hanging in there", however, meant I had to come completely to the end of myself...not just almost to the end of myself. I had to make a conscious decision to lay it all down...to lay down my desires, my hopes, my passions, my determination, even the calling I felt he'd given me.

I determined not to beat on anymore doors or beg them to open. I told the Lord that I wasn't moving in any direction unless he moved me. I wasn't walking through anymore doors unless he opened them. I was done doing things on my own. Completely done.

This year has been an extreme adventure. He's opened doors I'd given up on, doors I never expected at all, doors I'd never seen, and doors that had apparently been nailed shut. The doors haven't led to money or fame or self-sufficiency. They've led to kingdom desires and purposes, humility, service, and complete dependency....and I am thankful.

A year ago I was frustrated, feeling alone, and unfulfilled. I was begging for a mom's ministry to begin at our church and feeling useless in my church. Today, I'm on the women's core team at our church, coaching a new mom's ministry, serving alongside amazing women, and published. I didn't ask for any of it.

None of it has been about me. For the first time in my life I feel like I truly understand, believe, and am living out the principle of joining God in where he is working. I've come to understand the shepherd in John 10, and truly enjoy just "being about the Father's business."

There is nothing more fun than this.

How's it going?

2011-11-17T23:17:00.001-08:00

All day long my mind swirls with blog posts I'd like to write and by the time I get to the computer at night I'm too exhausted to think.

Bill is back to working nights....which makes my nights long too.

As I write this 171 ladies have downloaded Never Go Hungry Again! I don't know if that is good or not in the world's standards. I don't think anyone makes it to the New York Times' Best Sellers List with numbers like that.
But Bill has so awesomely encouraged me over and over to think about lives rather than copies downloaded. 171 ladies have considered where they are with Christ and are deciding if they want more. That is overwhelmingly awesome.

I do love the shopping cart I'm using for the downloads, as I'm able to pray over those that make a download. They aren't anonymous people in a bookstore somewhere across the country. They are Melissa and Anne and Laura and Sarah.

It's felt a little weird this week. I haven't been burning the midnight oil to get something ready, like I have been for several weeks. In fact, I've even cleaned my bathroom AND washed my bathmat. I've also been taking a little time to refuel. I've been pumping out so much recently, and I didn't even realize how empty my own tank was getting. I feel like a dry sponge and have been soaking up Crazy Love as my purse book (the one I carry around for waiting rooms and dead time in the van) and Stuck (the one I enjoy with my coffee in the morning).

I'm also spending a lot of time in prayer. What's next? Do I do something to promote Never Go Hungry Again? Do I just watch God? What is my role? What do I write next?

The kids asked me at dinner last night if I was going to write another book. I said yes, and Hayden started crying. LOL! Poor kid. I do think my family needs a little break!

On a brighter note, Bill brought home roses and cider on Tuesday night to celebrate with me....so I had a launch party after all. :)

Blessings!

Never Go Hungry Again is Live!

2011-11-15T08:09:00.001-08:00

3-2-1- Blast off!!

Get your copy! First 100 copies a day are free!

www.momsnevergohungry.com/get-the-book

Here I Am. Please Like Me.

2011-11-14T20:56:00.000-08:00

Source

I know. I'm never here anymore. One thing I look forward to about finally launching Never Go Hungry Again, is the freedom to "move on" in a sense, in my writing....to be able to blog and think new thoughts and try new things.

I HAD to come journal some here tonight. For there is only one night before an author goes from unpublished to published. There should be a name for it. Like PublishedEve or something.

So many things are swirling around in my brain today. Want to know what it is like for an author the day before she gets published?
Well, for me, I spent my day in my yoga pants, with my hair slicked back in a pony tail. I made pancakes, rushed kids off to school, worked at my other job for several hours, ran birthday treats to school for a certain special eight year old, had my quiet time in the mini-van, managed two doctors appointments for kiddos, made tacos for dinner, helped my nine year old make toilet paper tube rockets for his invention convention project, helped my eight year old with birthday invitations, and spent some sweet time with those same two little urchins talking about when Jesus called the disciples.

What? No fancy parties? premiers? shopping for the perfect outfit for launch day or preparing for book signings?

Nope! None of that going on here. There is nothing to sign in e-world. I always thought I'd throw a big party when I got published, but I'm too tired, and I don't have any clean socks.

Truth is, I'm a little nervous. My moms likes my book. My husband likes my book. A few of my good friends have read it, and most of them like it too. But the reality is, no one but God asked me to write it. I'm not famous. No one is really dying to see what I've written.

I feel like Oliver Twist, standing before the cook, timidly asking for more porridge. I'm just a tiny little girl, standing on the edge of a very large world, and saying, "Please world. Please like my book."

For all I know, I may be the one Seth Godin talks about when he said if only 20 people download your book, you're not that good and you need to move on. My world may not change at all tomorrow.

Or it might.

....and that thought is even scarier.

However, regardless of what happens, I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief. It is finished. Done. Complete....well, maybe..for now.

I know that I've done what God asked me to do, and if the only purpose these years of work have served have been to help me cling to Jesus' leg like a little child, while I care for my kids, then that is okay.

I'm not here to be famous or get rich or hang out with the "big girls". I'm here to make disciples as I go. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm totally and completely on mission with God, without my own agenda. That's an amazing feeling....a feeling that can't be bought.

So what will I be doing tomorrow, when Never Go Hungry Again goes live? I'll be making it accessible, rushing kids to school, and heading off to meet with a great group of moms who are on mission with Jesus. I couldn't wish for more.

Some time tomorrow evening, I'll make it home and see if anyone actually downloaded my book....or if my website worked at all.

I'm just thankful t be on this journey with Jesus.

Horrors! I've lost your stuff!!

2011-11-12T12:31:00.001-08:00

I had some complications with my Google account earlier this month and lost the form that several of you had filled out, where you requested an advance review copy of Never Go Hungry Again, and let me know if you wanted me to post a blog button on my site, etc.

I AM SO SORRY!!

I know who some of you are, but not everyone. So if you had filled it out before, would you please do it again right here!

Also, if you have already read your preview copy and want to leave a review. You can do that right here!

Mocha Monday

2011-11-07T09:09:00.001-08:00

Good morning! After an incredibly full weekend, I'm thankful for a great night's sleep last night. I'm usually dragging on Mondays, but not today.

It is totally crunch time around here. After about six hours of running kids around on Saturday to and from various events, I locked myself in my bedroom and spent ten hours doing final edits on my manuscript.

I hadn't read it completely through in a long time. My writing had become so familiar to me, that I was finishing my own sentences before I finished reading them.....which is very unhelpful while editing.

So besides some final polishing on getting things ready to download, this baby is ready to launch!

In other news, I got really mad this weekend over some stuff. Coincidentally (wink), I happened to be landing in the "Mad" chapter of the Stuck study. I spent some time sobbing into my pillow over giving up my "rights" and acknowledging that I was "crucified with Christ." ...completely humbling.

Some blessings over the weekend.... I got to help an older woman find some Bible study material. She came to our connections desk at church and confessed that she'd been a Christian almost her whole life, and had never studied her Bible. She was ready! It was such a privilege to help her start that journey.

We also had our bi-annual Focus event at church this weekend for leaders. I love those meetings. It is like a "state of the union" for our church. I'm always incredibly encouraged by the way God is working through our people an in our church. It is truly amazing.

I think my family is ready for this book to be "done." I don't blame them. No one has clean uniforms or socks this morning. Someone has a birthday this weekend, and we've made no plans. The yard sale that never happened has consumed the basement....and I realized this week that my van is 3,000 miles OVERDUE for an oil change. Yikes!

I hope you're having a good Monday so far!

Blessings!

Mocha Monday

2011-10-31T08:22:00.001-07:00

Good morning! I can't believe I haven't posted since last week. Well...I can believe it, but I find it sad.

Anyway...its been a full week! I've spent countless hours messing with html on websites trying to fix things, so that I can send my websites live. Not having a whole lot of luck. Google sites does not like me adding links for some reason. Sigh.

I've spent a lot of time lately just feeling honestly humbled that I get to be a part of things God is doing. I've honestly never felt so fulfilled in my life, and I figured out why. I finally have my life aligned around the Great Commission....and there is nothing more fulfilling than spending your life doing exactly what God told us to do.

I've been blessed to join the core team for women's ministry at my church,
which means I get to spend a lot of time learning from wise women. We also spend time strategizing how we can disciple women. What could be more fun?

We got a new family member this week. His name is Pedro. The kids love him more than Christmas!...and as you can see, someone else kind of likes him too.

I started a new study this week called "Stuck". I'm really loving it. It is perfectly formatted for moms that have a little time here and there. I'll do a full review later, but I'm so impressed at the way the author teaches deep truths in a simple way.

The big highlight of this week is that Steven Curtis Chapman came to our church for a concert. Bill and I were bummed because we really couldn't afford tickets. We've been following Steven Curtis since we were young teenagers. ...and of course after reading Mary Beth's book this summer, I was really excited for the Songs and Stories Tour. At the very last minute, Bill stopped by the church and found out they needed help working tickets and merchandise. So guess who got to go work the merchandise table and go to the concert! It was SO much fun. Josh Wilson and Andrew Peterson were there too, and I was SO impressed by how they worked together in such a humble, worshipful spirit.

I hope you're having a great week! Today, I will be working from home while the kiddos run about. We usually keep them home from school on Halloween. hmm....I think I know what we'll talk about tomorrow.

Blessings!

Mocha Monday

2011-10-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I'm cheating on Mocha today. My throat is feeling a bit scratchy, so I'm cozying up with a nice piping cup of Ceylon tea.

How has your week been? Mine has been a bit roller coastery. A few ups, a few downs - you know the drill.

Bill found out this week that he didn't get the promotion he was hoping for. I had to do a couple of parent/teacher conferences for "issues" at school. My uncle has been quite suddenly diagnosed with cancer, and it looks very bad. ...and I had to admit that our church's Moms Ministry wasn't going to be ready to launch this year and make some big adjustments.

However, I was able to be a part of some great training events this week. I'm so inspired by the leaders at my church. We had a great first team meeting for our Moms Ministry, and I know it is going to be great. Bill and I also got a date day!!

We don't get to go out too often. But Saturday, a dear friend took the kids for several hours. We went and saw Courageous, which was fantastic! Then we took a walk around the lakeshore, tinked around an antique store, and meandered through an art gallery downtown before grabbing some dinner. We even got to grab a cup of coffee together at a church coffee house night before our friend texted, "When are you coming home?" LOL! It was really great to spend the day together. Sometimes I forget how much I miss him in our typical busyness of life.

I spent a lot of time this weekend working on website stuff and getting feedback from those who are reading preview copies of Never Go Hungry Again. I have to say I'm getting a little weary of working on pictures of myself and writing about myself and who I am and why I do what I do. But I guess it's part of the job.

Last night, we stopped by my brothers, and my little niece exclaimed "Auntie A!" and came and sat on my lap. Sigh. Love her. Then Bill and I had one on one time with our third-born (which is so rare), while all the other brothers were at different places. We watched an approved segment of Transformers with him (he really only cares about the big fight scenes anyway) and made hamburgers and root beer floats. That little guy melts my heart.

Well... its off to wrangle these kiddos in the van for late-start Monday. Yes, our school district has decided that it would be fun for kids to not have to go to school on time on Monday mornings. Then its off to the day job, a doctor's appointment for a kiddo....and I think I need to dig out winter gear for the kids and get it all washed up and ready.

Have a great Monday!

Never Go Hungry Again Website

2011-10-21T09:23:00.000-07:00

The Never Go Hungry Again website has launched!

It is fairly basic, but hopefully gets the job done. Let me know what you think! Is there something you think is missing?

I'm still having trouble opening it in Firefox, but Google Chrome and Internet Explorer seam to work fine.

You can leave a review on the review page, find out answers to some questions about the book, see a video about why I'm giving it away, and ask for an e-mail reminder when Never Go Hungry Again is available to download.

Drumroll Please...Cover Reveal

2011-10-20T08:58:00.000-07:00

...........and here it is!

This cover text was actually designed by a professional. The other two options were my own feeble attempts. At first, I wasn't fond of the huge text. It was stretching me a bit. But when I printed out the three covers and showed them around, this one was winning by a landslide.

I'll admit, if I was designing a piece for the wall of my house, I wouldn't choose this one. My sister and law said it best when she said she felt this design was yelling at her. But the more I thought about it, I realized that if you want someone to notice a book and actually pick it up off the shelf, you kind of want it to yell at you.

Of course the original was in blue text, and I just couldn't love the blue. So we did it in the pink of the tablecloth to make me happy. Oh! and we made the tablecloth bigger.

Bag Day!

2011-10-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a very exciting day for me on the "bag" scene. Our church has a great little thrift store on campus. It offers jobs to those who need them, and all the profits go to our benevolence ministry.

I stopped in yesterday after a couple of meetings and found this for $1.99!

Oh, can I tell you how much I love felt?...and embroidery?....and charcoal grey. Oh man! So many favorites in one place!!

Then it got better. I found this for $2.99. Again another favorite color, and my attention was caught by the color and texture.

But the winning point? It wasn't just a bag...

It was a Bible Cover!! I'm so excited because I've been looking for a new Bible cover for a long time. The zipper broke on mine, and it is hard to carry around. But i just couldn't make myself spend $20 on a new one. So woo hoo!

Now here is my dilemma...

See this Bible cover? My best friend and I had matching ones when we were 20. I still have mine. I've had it longer than I've had Bill. It's gone through 2 or 3 Bibles with me. Throwing it away just seems cruel and inhumane somehow...which is very odd behavior for one like me who is as my mom says (and I quote) "about as sentimental as a dish rag." But I really don't know what to do. Seems like it needs to go in a scrapbook or something...if I scrap booked...and if people put things like Bible covers in a scrap book.

Well, on to my next bag....

When I got home yesterday, I had a surprise in the mail. Someone sent me this bag full of stuff to help me feel a little more girly!

Lip gloss and sparkly purple polish and hair stuff, oh my!

Talk to Me Tuesday

2011-10-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

Hey there! Sorry this is late. I'm so literally chasing my own tail these days. So I'm sitting here with a mocha (I know it isn't Monday). I've had two great meetings this morning regarding women's ministry and getting ready to hit the ground running with my kiddos for the night. BUT, I wanted to pop back in and respond to last week's Talk to Me Tuesday comments.

Last week I asked what you thought of the bumper stickers we see out there, that say things like "tolerance, acceptance, coexist", etc...whose letters are made out of various religious symbols.

There was some varying feedback, and I hear everyone.

When I see those stickers, I kind of instinctively want to roll my eyes...because I feel like it over-simplifies such a huge issue. However, we really can't, in reality, know the heart of the person that put the sticker on their car, unless we ask them directly. It may mean something different to each one of them.

I think for most, they are just crying out, "Why can't we all just get along?"

Well, why can't we?

No, our religions can't blend. They are different. They have different purposes, different objects of worship, different end results. Trying to just mesh them all together and pretend that their distinction isn't important is just naive.

BUT, why can't the people behind them get along? Well, in a sense, that is also an oversimplified question. Some religions don't teach getting along. They teach fighting for your religion. So no matter what you do, you can't always expect someone to hold fast to their religion and still get along with others of other faiths....because it goes against their religion.

I thought it was interesting that many read these stickers thinking that it says there are many paths to God. I'm not sure that these stickers are even thinking about heaven or God, or even an end goal at all. I'm fairly willing to bet, that most that display these bumper stickers or wear the shirt, don't hold tightly to any religion at all. They may have some roots here or there, but they are willing to let them go for the sake of getting along...and it is easier for them to do so when there is nothing at their core that is a stake.

I'm going to address Christians here, though. Our main call is to love. We are to love God first and love others second. Christ said that the world would know who we are and who we belong to by our love for each other.

I firmly believe that Christians should be the most loving people in the world, if we are true to our faith. We are called to see the person and love the person. It shouldn't matter if our neighbor is Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, or Santeria, we are called to love them.

The part where it gets tricky is that when you truly love someone, you don't let them die in their deception. You want them to know the truth. But we are called to tell the truth in love. Can we co-exist in a religious blender? No, but we can co-exist with people who believe differently than we do and not be hateful. Can we tolerate sin and evil? No. We really can't. But we can tolerate others who sin and even hold to that which is evil, because they are just lost as we once were. Can we accept deception and lies? Absolutely not. But we can accept the person who believes lies, and bring them truth in love.

At the core of our being, whether everyone believes it or not, we were all created by the same God, with his breath breathed into us to give us life. We were all created for the glory of the same one....some just don't know it yet....and they never will if those that hold the truth are hateful, mean, and prejudicial.

So let's talk some more about this? What are your thoughts?

2011-10-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

Good morning!! This is my coffee cup in the dishwasher that needs unloaded. The house is in a bit of neglect right now, as this certain writer faces what's known as "crunch time."

Yep, I'm not getting a lot of other stuff done around here. I DID however manage to conquer the laundry this weekend...only to be informed this morning that no one had any socks still.

Our roof is almost done! Basically we just need a chimney, so we can start using the fireplace. It is about that time, ladies and gentlemen.

These are two naked couch cushions drying out on the porch after a middle of the night vomit incident.

This is a naked couch hoping it will recover after the middle of the night vomit incident.

This is a pen my eleven year old made for me this weekend. He's turned quite a few of these out over the weekend. He's whittled and carved and flamed and wood-burned his little heart out. So creative!

.....and here is what I've been working on this weekend...

Updating the look of the blog.

Getting a site ready to launch the book.

....and this is the pot of press I plan on consuming today.

Bill is waiting to hear if he's made it to the final round for the job promotion process. He's made it through the second round. :)

My stitches are out of my mouth, and I'm chewing real food. I'm also 12 pounds away from my final weight goal. ...which does have a bit to do with not being able to eat real food for a week. BUT, I've lost another pound since being able to chew. Yay!

There is a lot going on in my heart and mind this week...Much more than I have time to talk about. All I can really say is that I'm just overwhelmed about how God fulfills his promises and does things in his time and his way. It is so relaxing to go through "crunch time" in his timing, when he is in charge. I could have never predicted things being so easy in the end.

God is good.

Book Cover...one more time

2011-10-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Okay!! It's getting down to the wire!

I have three very different choices for you to look at today. Let me know what you think!

The 360° Leader - Book Review

2011-10-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

I love leadership books, but I especially love this one because it focuses on being a leader, whether or not you have a position.

The 360° Degree Leader by John C. Maxwell is the first book I've read that talks to the one who is stuck "in the middle" or "at the bottom" so to speak. It gives direction to those with position of how to lead "down", but it also encourages those on the bottom on how to "lead up" and those in the middle to "lead down" and "lead across."

First of all, by purchasing The 360° Degree Leader, you are given the privilege of taking an online assessment regarding your own leadership skills, which will help you know which strategies you should work on the most.

Ever wished you were a leader, but felt you didn't have anyone to lead? Ever served under a poor leader and wondered if you should just quit?...or if you should go over their authority and "save the day"? This book is for you.

Ever felt that your character and leadership skills didn't matter because you weren't in an important place in the chain of command? Maxwell breathes life into those who serve in the middle, explaining how their influence is usually bigger than those at the top.

Maxwell challenges the reader to develop a character and lifestyle that causes you to be followed - not because of your position, but because of who you are and what you represent. The 360° Leader is a top-pick for me for team organizational team building.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Talk to Me Tuesday

2011-10-11T09:22:00.001-07:00

What comes to your mind when you see bumper stickers like these?

Mocha Monday

2011-10-10T10:38:00.000-07:00

Thinking of switching things up a bit here and starting Mocha Monday.....a chance to grab a mocha and catch up -a scheduled glimpse into my life and heart rather than publishing updates and soapbox topics. How does that sound?

Like my little fall display here? This is part of what I had set up outside before the roofers came. Now the outside is a construction zone and my decor is all back in the house. I've killed three mums so far this year. Who kills mums? Really? Apparently me. ....and I didn't even buy them all at once. I've bought some to replace others I've killed. Sigh.

We've leased a house on the mountain for the last six years. It has a flat roof. I always joke that no one would put a flat roofed house in Idaho, except the government. You see, it is an old military base house that was moved out to this land when the local naval base closed down. This flat roof has caused us much grief. Well, guess what!? We're getting a new roof!!...and I don't just mean one that doesn't leak and drain into the cesspool, which backs up into the house... I mean a new, SLOPED roof!

So anyway, I had a super-productive weekend around here. I ordered 40 lbs of chicken that were to arrive this morning and help fill our very bare freezer. I realized that bare freezer really needed defrosted. While I was defrosting, a friend dropped of oodles of garden fresh tomatoes!! So as of this morning, our freezer is full of chicken and tomatoes...a little trout, a little salmon, and a little venison. We do live in Idaho after all. Speaking of Idaho, do you want to see some of my office friends? They come see me everyday and perform all kinds of wild antics for me. It cheers me.
My mouth is healing nicely after some extensive gum grafting surgery. I've had little pain after the first three days on pain meds...and I had little pain then either. :P Today, I'm dunking a pumpkin donut in a cup of chai and enjoying the mushy pieces. :) Don't worry, I didn't cheat on Mocha Monday with my chai. I had a mocha earlier.

I've had some great meetings with women about the new moms ministry starting at our church. I must admit, I tossed and turned a bit last night, freaking out a little about how fast it is coming and how much there is still to do. I had to force myself just to pray through the details and pray for the pieces God already has provided. I also had to let go of some things this weekend...responsibilities that I truly enjoy, but I just knew I had to release in order to focus on this mom's ministry.

Some friends hosted a delightful fall party at their house this weekend. I took our three "youngers" and a couple of their friends.

On the home front, Bill is interviewing for a promotion, which is exciting and nerve-wracking at the same time. We had a couple of firsts with our teenager this week, involving dating and "where is my child at one in the morning?" kind of things. There never ceases to be opportunities to ask God for wisdom, which brings me to my verse of the week...the one God has been impressing on my mind.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5. I found myself breathing, praying, sleeping on this prayer the night Bill was working on some extensive questions for this possible promotion. "God, give him wisdom." I've been praying it for us while we parent, for me as I coach this mom's ministry. For my kids, for friends, for family. What an amazing promise. He will GENEROUSLY give wisdom to those who lack it and ask Him for it...and He doesn't find fault in us for not having it!...and again I say, "Oh, Jesus. Where would I be without you?"

Until next Monday...

Angela

God's Love Letters to You - Book Review

2011-10-05T23:46:00.000-07:00

Larry Crabb has been one of my absolute favorite authors since I read Shattered Dreams: God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy. To me, Larry is a modern-day version of Oswald Chambers. He writes the kind of stuff that the average person like me may have to sometimes read two or three teams to really get the full meaning of what he is saying…which is my way of saying, “He’s deep” – and I like deep. Honestly, as much as I love to read, I don’t have time to waste on mediocre writing, and Larry Crabb doesn’t waste a word. The reason I truly love God’s Love Letters to You, is because it takes that depth and maturity and puts it in 40 bite size pieces. I feel there is a huge need on the bookshelf for devotion books that are short and deep. It is an uncommon combination, which leads the average Christian to hold a false belief that short equals shallow.

God’s Love Letters to You walks the reader through 40 of the66
books of the Bible, showing how God’smessage is the same throughout His entire Word. “I love you. I care intenselyabout you. But I won’t spare your feelings and your comfort when it comes tomaking you holy. I care more about your soul than I do how you feel today.”

This would be an incredible gift for someone who is goingthrough a really tough time in their life and need to hear uncompromised truth,in a loving shell. Larry’s other writings are good for that too, but again, thebite-sized format of God’s Love Letters to You makes it manageable reading forsomeone who is really in the thick middle of time-consuming and brain-drainingcircumstances that would otherwise keep them from taking the time to read.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Publishing Update

2011-09-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give you a quick update from my first post on my book publishing adventure. At that time, I said it would be 6-8 weeks for it all to come together....and I'm realizing that eight weeks is up.

Well........we're still working on it!

God has blessed me with lots of wonderful volunteers to pull this off. Since I have no budget to hire editors, photographers, graphic designers, etc., I'm depending on lots of wonderful people to help me in their spare time.

God has provided someone to help me with the cover, someone to take great pictures to make me look better than I do, someone to help get the book on Kindle, someone to do grammatical editing, someone to get it on iBook, and on and on it goes. AND I'm so grateful!

But things take time. I have the PDF almost completely ready to go. Still waiting on some things to finish building the website. I hope to have it all out there by the end of October.

Thanks for still cheering me on!

I'm just eating bon-bons

2011-09-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just in case all you thought I was doing was sitting around eating bon-bons while I tease you with the idea of a book coming out....

Our church has decided to start a mom-focused ministry again, and I've been asked to coach it. I'm beyond giddy....and scared to death at the same time. :) I think it is way beyond coincidence that all of this mom stuff is coming together at the same time I'm finally getting my book out there. I really don't know what all God has up his sleeve, but I'm bursting with excitement over it all.

Today is a big day for me...kind of. I'm having some pretty major oral surgery stuff done. You know where they cut things from one part of your mouth and put them in another place? Well, I hope you don't really know because it isn't very fun. But I plan to spend a few days highly medicated and recovering. If you see me on Facebook, please ignore me. I may not be right in the head.

While You're Waiting

2011-09-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

It seems that things are happening really fast right now. I've had a few reality checks this week with all that is accumulating on my "plate." For three years I've sat wondering what God had in store, and if His plan would really happen....or if it was His plan at all, for how could His plan NOT happen.

I've felt useless, bored, unfulfilled, and frustrated.

As I've met with some other women and discussed projects and plans, I've found myself saying, "Well, I didn't really finish that because I didn't know if it would ever be used."

And now I'm asking myself the questions....

What if I'd really believed that what God planned would happen?
What if I'd really believed that His calling was true and would be fulfilled?
What if I'd really been prepared?

Yes, in some senses, I've kept working on things. I've continued to seek God. I've written a little here and a little there. I've made some plans in my head that never made it to paper. But it often seemed as though I was just trying to occupy myself so I didn't go crazy. I wasn't really "preparing for rain."

So I ask you today....

What if you faced today like God's calling on your life was real?
What if you faced today like His plans WOULD happen in His time?
What if you kept preparing....even if you didn't know when you'd be needed?

Because...

His calling on your life IS real.
His plans will come to pass.
He won't waste your life.

Reality Check

2011-09-27T08:00:00.001-07:00

We've had a bit of a reality check around here the last few days.

On Friday, a stranger tried to pick up one of my children from the elementary school.

Yesterday, there was a bomb threat and evacuation at my son's high school.

Some would say, "That's why we home school."

But God hasn't told me to home school. In fact, He's told me NOT to home school. I know it surprises some that you can have your kids exactly where He wants them and scary things can still happen. But this is the real world.....where scary things happen even when you are right where you belong.

In the end, my sons were both safe. The schools were caring and followed protocol.

It was still about more emotion than one mama bear can handle in a week, though.

That is where the reality check came in.

Who do my kids belong to?

Do I really believe He's big enough to care for them?

Do I really believe He's got them covered?

Do I really believe that God has a plan for their life, and I can trust Him with it?

Easier said than done sometimes. I'm sure the mama in Yakima whose eleven year old boy was hit and killed on the same day my eleven year old boy escaped kidnapping, is asking herself lots of hard questions that I can't answer. I'm sure the mama of the young man in our church who was killed on a motorcycle this weekend is asking God lots of hard questions that I can't answer.

Our power only goes so far.

I could call the news station and tell them something was happening, but I couldn't force them to produce news.

I could stand outside the fence at school and stare at my son, but I couldn't remove him from lock-down.

I could file a police report regarding the mysterious driver, but I couldn't capture him.

Mamas have to ask themselves hard questions sometimes.

What does it really mean to release your children to the Lord? What does it mean to trust Him?

....and then when you think you truly have it down - there's a pop quiz!

My First 5K

2011-09-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

I ran my first 5K yesterday! - a local Race for the Cure. I've been running a bit the last few months, but have never really gone that distance. I'd done that distance at the gym on the eliptical, but there is such a huge difference when you start pounding the pavement. I've had bursitis in my hips since I was a teenager, and honestly just wasn't sure I could do it.

I also think running is super boring, and I have a hard time with the pure and simple mental game of keeping going. It is easy, when I'm bored, to focus on how hard it is, and just want to stop. But I learned a couple of things recently.

First, I learned to take Ibuprofen before I run. Not sure any experts recommend it, but it works for me.
Also, I'm a big advocate of Access Bars. They really work.
I've learned that if I just feel like I can't go anymore, to slow to a speed walk for 30 seconds to a minute...and then I realize that it is harder to walk than run and kick back into gear.

My good friend Kjirstine, and I walked/ran the race route earlier this week. I knew at that point that I could finish 5K, but I was pretty sure I'd be walking most of it. I had decided at this point that running just wasn't my thing, and I was going to just get through this race, and find a new "sport." When Bill asked me this morning how long it would take me, I told him to plan an hour.

My sweet boys kept asking where we were going to go to celebrate if I won. They have so much confidence in me! I assured them I wasn't going to win unless all the faster people fell down and hurt themselves. But I did much better than I thought I would.

Here's what I learned:

Pumping my praise music kept me focusing on Jesus and praising God. I found myself singing out loud...not sure what anyone else thought about that. But it kept me focused on something that energized me, and I wasn't so bored. I wasn't thinking so much about how tired I was.
Running alone is no fun. But running in a huge group of people really is. It was much harder to let myself slow down or quit when there are people passing you up all around.

So I finished this 5K feeling like I didn't want to give up running, I wanted to learn how to love it more and how to make it more fun. I did this because I have a loved one who is currently fighting, and I just wanted to do something...anything to help. Our team, organized by Kjirstine, was the Bosom Friends (with a wink to Anne of Green Gables). Her sister Marja, designed our shirts.

Oh!...and I finished in 37:56!

Maybe Your God is Sleeping

2011-09-23T08:00:00.001-07:00

We were talking about the story of Elijah tonight in home group. You know...the story where he was challenging the prophets to decide who was their God...to stop walking the fence. Were they going to follow Baal or worship God? The story where he challenged them to a duel of sacrifices. Both Elijah and the prophets of Baal would sacrifice a bull and ask their God (or god) to light their sacrifice on fire.

What I was struck with this time around, was what all the prophets of Baal did to get their god to hear them.

“Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made.

²⁷ At noon Elijah began to taunt them. “Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.” ²⁸ So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. ²⁹ Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention." I Kings 18

I've read this story a million times, but never was I touched with such heartache and compassion for the followers of Baal.....because they reminded me of our society today. What desperate measures our world is going to to get someone to come to their rescue....to get someone to notice their existence, their need, their value. The prophets of Baal shouted and danced and cut themselves until their blood poured out. The cry of a desperate people for the god they believed in their hearts to be real to come to their rescue. But it wasn't going to happen. That god wasn't real. He was deaf and uncaring.....are as Elijah suggested....sleeping.

Then there was Elijah. His request to his God was even more impossible than the request of the other prophets. But all he did was ask...and God answered in a mighty, powerful, mind-blowing way.

Who are you going to to be rescued?
What about those around you?
Do you have the boldness of Elijah to point those around you in a better direction?

Praying for the spirit of Elijah.

Friends with "Skilz"

2011-09-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

I had a terrific time on Tuesday playing with Aimee of Remarkable Memories Photography and Jamie (aka Mrs. Kootenai County) and Cassidy (aka rockstar hairstylest). It is fun to play with friends who know who to do hair and makeup and dress and take pictures.....and don't judge Aimee for any of these shots. These are all my handiwork, just making memories of the day.

Thank God for friends with "skilz!"

Mom's Ministry

2011-09-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Just wanted you to know....all fellow Lifers out there...there IS a Mom's Ministry coming soon to Real Life.

Get Ready.

Here we go!

Picture Day

2011-09-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

Today is picture day. Usually, it is me taking pictures of others. But today is the day that I'm getting my pictures made...for things like the back "cover" of my book and this blog and things like that. I'm pretty nervous about it, because of things like....

not even coming close to my weight goal
continually turning my hair red by accident
not having any author/speaker clothes in my closet these days
not knowing how to do makeup or really anything particularly girly
having a double chin
not knowing what kind of antics my hair will pull on any certain day
having this weird dark spot show up on my lip

But I'm a pretty lucky girl because I have friends.

My dear friend, Jamie (aka Mrs. Kootenai County and costume designer for Lake City Playhouse) and my mom, met me last week to help me spend the birthday gift card I've been saving. They helped me find something that won't make me look quite as poochy...and hopefully somewhat professional ....and also somewhat real.

My rockstar friend, Cassidy, has also volunteered to unretire from hairdressing for an afternoon, so she can help tame my moody curls before pictures. She also tipped me off to Toni & Guy, who assigned me to Rene, who removed the red from my hair.

Everyone say, "Yay, Rene!"

I also got one of these contraptions from the grocery outlet.

You should have seen me at home trying to figure out what kind of batteries it used and how to get the spring in and where the on button was.

Guess what?! There isn't an on button...nor are there batteries. You're supposed to move the springs with your muscles, thereby removing the extra chin. My bad.

Bill tried to help me polish my nails, because he is better at painting than I am. He didn't do too bad, but I've already totally messed them up....so back to a la natural for me!

I really didn't know I was so vain. I better not have to do this very often.

Photos anyone?

2011-09-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year when your kids' schools send home those photo packs. For $21, you too can get a basic pack of pictures you don't really like...but its your kid...so you have to buy them, right?

How about you let me do it this year! For $25 I'll snap away until you have lots to choose from, then give you a CD full you can print in the sizes, poses, and quantities you want. $5 for each additional child. So 5 kids? $45. I'll even come to you, so you can change their clothes three times if they fall in the mud during brother's turn.

Sometimes God Answers Before You Ask The Question

2011-09-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, I allowed Ian to have a sleepover. I'm off on Wednesdays, so Tuesday night it was! The energetic little buggers were up and at 'em by 5:00 a.m. So I decided to take them fishing and let everyone else sleep.

I took my coffee thermos, a camp chair, my camera, and my Bible. After getting some fun shots of some herons, I pulled out my Bible. I haven't currently been in the middle of any particular passage, so I just asked God, "What should I read this morning?" And He said, "Ruth."

I love the Book of Ruth. I started thinking about how there are (I believe) three books of the Bible written completely about a person, but by someone else (Job, Ruth, and Esther). Two of them were about women. One about a foreigner who entered into the line of Jesus. One about a girl whose courage and obedience saved her people.

....but on to the point I wanted to make....

I read the whole book, and thought of all kinds of little insights and cool things. But it wasn't like anything REALLY stood out to me....like that crashing word from God that made it clear why he wanted me to read the book of Ruth that day.

Flash forward two the next day....after I'd gotten home from the DMV....when I got the phone call I'd been waiting for my whole life.

Part of the phone call was my women's minister asking me to pray about some things over the weekend, particularly how much responsibility did I feel God wanted me to have in this new mom's ministry.

I told her how I would certainly pray over that. I also told her that I didn't believe it was coincidence that I had to go back to work full time when the last mom's ministry came to a close....and that as it was beginning to start again, my hours had been cut. It was pretty much the best time in my life to add something like this.

As I began praying last weekend, God said:

"Remember the book of Ruth?"
"Yep!"
"What happened when there was famine in the land?"
"They went away to another land?"
"Uh huh, and what happened when God provided Israel with food again?"
"They went back."
"Uh, huh. Get it?"
"OH! Ya, I get it! You sent me away for the years of famine, and now you're telling me to go back?"
"Yep!"
"Sweet!"

Beside the cool thing God shared with me, I was struck with another reminder for moms spending time in the word. Sometimes we feel like we don't have a major "ah ha" moment when we finally do get time in the word. But sometimes God is taking advantage of the time you had then, to store something in your heart that you're going to need during a moment you don't have time for retreat with God.

So keep on keeping on. Sometimes God gives you the answer before you have the question.

Cover - Remixed

2011-09-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling better about an option like this....

What do you think?

The Day I Disappeared

2011-09-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

As mentioned before, my hours were recently cut to part time. In Idaho, we have the ability to get some assistance from Unemployment Insurance when hours are cut, not just when we lose a job. So I began this process a few weeks ago. ...and it is a process.

I received an unsettling phone call last week letting me know I was currently not eligible for benefits because running my name through the DMV cross-match didn't bring up any results. I wasn't in the system.

"Strange," I thought, "I was in the system last month when I had to go to court over a traffic violation."

"Well, your social security number and name don't bring you up. Perhaps you should find your actual social security card. Maybe you've memorized your number incorrectly."

Well, ummm... my number is just fine when I pay my taxes every year. I suddenly felt treated like the girl that had gotten fired from McDonald's.

"Well, you're going to have to go down to DMV, and find out why you don't exist."

So this began a frantic search. I've apparently hidden our social security cards so well, that I can't find them. Panicked (and I don't get panicked easily), I headed down to DMV. I took my number. There were only 40 people in front of me.

So I went back outside and called my personal police man, who fired up his computer and found that I very much did indeed exist with complete, accurate information. I then left for the social security office, only to discover that the phone book was wrong. Social Security has shortened their hours, and they were closed already.

Back to the DMV I went. There were still 20 people in front of me....which gave me a hint of how to do business from here on out. If DMV is on your errand list, go get you number, then run the rest of your errands, then go back. You'll still have plenty of time.

I left a message for my unemployment officer, letting her know that I was nervous about meeting her deadline (you see if was my job to prove my existence before 11 a.m. the next day, or my claim would be denied), because there were still 20 people in front of me, and it was creeping up on 5:00. But that I existed in DMV records as far as the Sheriff's department was concerned. Could she please call me back.

Then I talked to a friend on the phone for a while, called my husband, went to the bathroom a couple of times.

When there were only about 10 people ahead of me, I went in and sat down. Finally, they called my number. I let the officer know that I needed help proving my existence. She took my license, pulled me up, read everything back to me and said the unemployment lady must be smoking crack (or something to that effect).

Glad to know that I did exist, I called the unemployment officer once again.....and left another message.

There was an e-mail waiting for me when I got home. Apparently, my name was in the system backwards. Last name first. First name last....and with everything they double and triple checked, apparently, they thought my name was still Gifford. Gifford Angela.

That's okay. I had a lovely afternoon at the DMV. Thank you very much.

Set Me Free

2011-09-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

This week I got a call. It wasn't an ordinary call. It was the kind of call I've been waiting for my entire life.

The caller couldn't possibly even know the weight of her own words to my soul, for she doesn't know the years of waiting that have transpired. She doesn't even know all the pain I've experienced from contrary messages sent my way.

You see, we have a new women's minister, and I'm just beginning to get to know her. We don't really have any history.

But this week she called me, in response to several weeks of meetings and discussions with other women, on starting a mom's ministry at our church again.

Her words went something like this:

"I can see this is something dear to your heart, and I believe God has given you direction and ideas. I just want to set you free to do what God has called you to do. In a good way, I want to 'take advantage' of you."

I've shared this story with a few who I do have more history with, and the tears in their eyes, mirror my own. I've been waiting for those words my whole life.

Funerals for Children

2011-09-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Today I head to the second funeral for a child, in a week's time. The first was for a 3 month old, who died of SIDS. Today, for a five year old who drowned when his parents car ran off the road in to the lake.

Though the circumstances surrounding each death are very different, one thing will be the same. Inconsolable grief.

Children aren't supposed to die. But they do.

People say dumb things to the parents, like "How are you doing?" "This was God's way."

You know sometimes, you just don't have to say anything. Sometimes it is okay to just grieve with them.

I'm not an expert on this topic. My children are all still miraculously (and I mean miraculously) still alive.

But I wanted to share some resources for those who may need them.

First of all, my dad (Dan Brandel) officiated at the funeral for the three month old, and he nailed it. Doing a funeral for a child is hard. So first of all, if you find yourself in that situation, I wanted to suggest that you contact him for some information. He'd be glad to help.

Secondly, my friend, Heather Ledeboer, who lost a child at 37 weeks in utero, put together a playlist on her blog full of songs that minister to someone in this situation. Her new blog doesn't have the playlist on it anymore, but you can still listen to it here: http://www.playlist.com/playlist/8707993355

Heather's blog is also extremely insightful for those experiencing this kind of loss.

The Social Media Conundrum

2011-09-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of Google Plus yet? I recently watched this video, and got pretty excited about it.

I like connecting with people, and have been really active with Facebook. But sometimes I wish I could send a mass message to just family - or everyone BUT family, or just my girlfriends.....or just my co-workers....or just the people I serve with at church. You get the idea.

I get tired of feeling like I can't post things close to my heart because the guy I worked with 20 years ago will read it and not understand. But what is the point in having a social media profile if to waste it with pointless comments on the weather. It can be a platform for a powerful influence...and it can just be a headache.

Unfortunately, Google Plus is only in a limited field trial right now and not accepting new testers. But ears are certainly open waiting for the results. In the meantime, I spent some of my Sunday purging my Facebook friend list AGAIN.

Help Me Choose a Book Cover!

2011-09-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have had SO much fun working on this book cover. This is one of the things I never even thought about having to do. In traditional publishing, the publisher designs the cover. In fact, they may even choose the name of the book.

Anyway, I'm not really an artist. I'm a decent photographer, and a mediocre photoshopper. I have no budget to hire someone, so I just prayed about it and God started giving me some creative ideas.

When I was younger, I had a dollhouse, and even in my teenage and early adult years, I enjoyed the craft of miniature building. So putting together what I did know to do, I decided to go with a cut paper image...and a bit of photoshopping. :)

I'm lucky to be married to an artist who helped me with proportions and pieces that I just couldn't seem to get right. So between him, my parents, and my rockstar friend and boss, Heather, I've narrowed things down to a few images. I'd love your opinion on what you like and don't like. Or if you think elements of one should be combined with another. You may want to double click on the images to enlarge them, so you can see them with more detail.

PLEASE leave me some comments! I really appreciate it!

How Do You Want to Read "Never Go Hungry Again"?

2011-09-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

It's time! Time to start formatting my manuscript into all the forms that reader will want to read in.

If you're like me, you really want it in print. I know. Me too.

BUT, until then.....

Would you take a moment to fill out this survey for me? and let me know what form you would be most likely to read it in?

On the Home Front....

2011-09-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

Here in North Idaho, our seasons are fairly true to calendar expectations. Our summer runs from late June til late September. Thankfully, our school schedule reflects that. Our kids start school on Tuesday, the day after Labor Day. This year we will have a 2nd grader, a 4th grader, a 6th grader, and a 9th grader. I think I’m as nervous about high school as our son is! 6th grade is middle school here, but our kids attend a magnet school that includes 6th grade, so Ri will have one more year there.

So off we go! High school youth group, middle school youth group, elementary discipleship program, and full fall school activities!

We surprised Riley when he came home from summer camp, by giving him his own room. Bill’s office is moving, and we are getting our hands on some old cubicle dividers to create a makeshift space for him in our basement. He is beyond excited!!

So Bill will begin commuting to Washington for work each day here in the next couple of weeks. Not exactly in our ideal plan…except Washington does have better labor laws. ;) Bill also has another cyst in his leg, and we are giving his work a little more time to grant that carrot-dangling promotion before we move forward with another surgery. He is getting ready to take his golf club repair business mobile by spending two back to back weekends at The Idaho Club taking orders and then re-delivering product.

My parents moved my baby brother back to college yesterday. Today they are making a rush, unexpected trip here to help some friends grieve the loss of their three month old baby girl. They will go back to Oregon right after the funeral, finish moving into their repaired home, then turn around and come back here for their scheduled vacation. Whew! We are excited to celebrate my niece’s 2nd birthday and my mom’s ..umm…not second birthday together.

My hours were cut at the beginning of August, and it has been an unusual blessing. I’ve loved having more time with the boys, time to work more on getting my book ready to release, and time to wrap up a three year discussion about starting a mom’s ministry at our church again.

I’ve also started my adventure bouncing back between the dentist, periodontist, possibly orthodontist, and whoever else they decide I need to see to take care of the huge gum recession problem I’ve been battling since my 20’s. Today the periodontist told me that he would prefer to grind out all of my gumline fillings down to the dentin and try grafts again. I tried not to throw up on him.

…..and there you have it!

How’s life in your corner of the world?

16 Years Ago

2011-08-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

on this day, Bill asked me to marry him. We hadn't dated. We'd just been friends. He knew I liked him, and God had been changing his heart too. I sensed that and let him know that IF he felt like he might want to date me, he needed to talk to my dad. You see, my dad and I had made an agreement on my 12th birthday, at our annual birthday breakfast date, that if any guy ever wanted to date me, he had to talk to my dad first.

I loved this agreement most of the time. I fear that knowledge may have scared a few boys off. In fact, I only know of two that ever went as far as to talk to my dad....and that turned out just fine.

The next week, Bill left a beautiful, artistic card with painted birds, on my desk during my lunch break, and asked me to pray for him because he was going to go talk to my dad....over 18 holes of course.

Apparently the talk went really well, because Bill didn't end up asking to date me. He asked for my hand in marriage! My dad knew I was sweet on Bill, but he didn't know if I was ready to marry him. So he didn't know what to tell Bill. ...which ended up turning the situation around a bit when my dad said he'd have to ask me!

Long story short. I did want to marry him. I really didn't know what I was getting into, but I did know that God wanted me to journey with him through life, whatever that meant. He had spoken to me just a few weeks before through the story of Abraham's servant finding a wife for Isaac. I had been seeking God because I could sense Bill's feelings for me changing quickly, and as much as I liked him, I was nervous about the whole ordeal.

When Abraham's servant found Rebekah, he wanted to take her back right away. Rebekah's family wanted more time with her, but they left the decision up to her. She said, "I will go."

When I read that, God spoke to my heart and let me know that this was happening quickly, but it was of him, and I needed to "go with him."

It was all pretty funny the way it came about. I knew Bill has asked to marry me. I knew I wanted to. But we'd never even held hands. He'd never told me he loved me. A few days went by like this. Finally, he took me up to a special place behind my parent's house where I used to go just to spend time with God. I'd taken him there once before to share my heart when some rumors had started about my feelings for him and left me feeling really raw and exposed. In that place that was nothing short of holy to me, Bill got down on one knee and told me that he didn't know what life held for him, or where he'd even be six months from then. He didn't even know what he'd do for a ring (see he was a poor semester missionary whose final term was coming to a close). BUT he'd be honored if I would be his wife.

Of course I said yes.

Then he asked if he could kiss me.

I blushed.

I told him yes, but that I was nervous because I'd never kissed anyone.

His eyes about popped out of his head, while his jaw dropped to the ground.

and we had a moment.

Then we closed our eyes and came at each other, he all open-mouthed and ready for the kiss of a lifetime with the woman he had just become engaged to - I puckered up ready for a peck.

Yes, it was awkward..and sweet....and we eventually perfected the art.

Sigh. Have I told this story before? I'm so sorry if I have, but it is one of my favorites. ...and the introduction to an adventure of a lifetime with the one and only Bill Gifford.

Get Free Books!

2011-08-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite blogs to follow is Michael Hyatt's. Not only is he knowledgeable about the publishing world, but he reads like a book a day...like every day. He knows all.

He isn't knowledgeable about the publishing world by accident. He is the chairman and former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers, and has spearheaded a program with Thomas Nelson called Book Sneeze. Book Sneeze has the goal of enlisting 10,000 bloggers that have active blogs, to read and review books for them. What does that mean? You get the books for free! You can get one at a time, and when you have posted your reviews, you can ask for another one. They offer digital and hard copies.

The first book I'm reviewing is God's Love Letters to You by Larry Crabb. It will be my first experience with a digital book. I really like paper, but this was the one I felt led to start with, and it wasn't available in paper.

Let me know if you sign up! I'd love to hear your experience!

How Annoying People Can Help Your Prayer Life

2011-08-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

Back in January, I read a blog post by Joan (whose husband is bi-polar) on Chosen Families that has forever changed my thoughts about when people annoy me, hurt me, or anger me.

I didn't even realize how much it had helped me until the Lord encouraged me to share it with someone else last week.

You see, we live in a real world with real people...people that have mental illness, emotional wounds, and less than perfect social skills. Sometimes those people annoy us. Sometimes they make us angry. Sometimes they really and truly hurt us terribly. Wounded people wound people.

So how can we journey through this life allowing each of those annoyances and hurtful actions to draw us closer to Christ, rather than dragging us down or making us bitter?

Joan gave a really practical way. You simply turn each one of those situations into a thank you prayer to God....not a random "thank you for the sunshine", but a thanks that He doesn't hurt us like that.

For instance:

When you feel ignored- "Thank you God that you always want to be with me..that you want to be intimate with me, and you value my friendship."
When you've been insulted - "Thank you God that you don't ever insult me...thank you that you value me, love me, and want to bless me."
When you've been let down - "Thank you God that you never let me down...that I can ALWAYS count on you."

I cannot tell you enough how this simple discipline has changed my life. I hope it encourages you!

Please Comment - I've switched to Disqus!

2011-08-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

A little birdie told me that some of you were having difficulty commenting on my blog. Well, that is just sad. ...and here I am thinking no one likes to talk to me. That's just NO good!

Today, I switched over to Disqus for comments, and I think you will all find out it is better. Would you do me a favor and help me try it out by commenting. Just say "hi" if you can't think of anything else. :)

You HAVE to read this book!

2011-08-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

I have always heard about women who stay up all night finishing a book they can't put down...or read a book all in one sitting. But it had never happened to me. I'd never found a book *that* good until now.

My good friend, Dawnell, had recently read it and told me I had to get it. She knows me well.

I was heading to the beach with my kids last week and realized I was out of all my good reading material. Thank goodness there was a library on the way, and they had Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. Of course, this is the wife of recording artist, Steven Curtis Chapman. I've always been a Steven Curtis fan...ya, since the '80's....and I love biographies. So this looked perfect. I loved seeing family pictures and hearing the story behind many of the songs Steven Curtis wrote. It puts them into so much more perspective and makes the lyrics that more rich. I just love a good story.

Choosing to See is Mary Beth's biography, starting at her childhood. The main theme of the book was her propensity for planning and God's history of re-writing her plans. Wow! Can I identify. She talks about how everything on her "I never" list ended up happening in her life. She shares their heartbreak and sorry over the loss of their daughter. She shares humorous and horrifyingly embarrassing stories. She shares the tenderness of God changing her heart. She shares her personal journey with depression.

It is so beautiful to me to hear another woman talk about being on a journey to resign her plans to God, because that is the kind of lifelong journey I've been on to.

Needless to say, at 1 a.m., that same day, I finished the book and went to bed. Couldn't put it down.

So good!

Validation

2011-08-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

This last week, I went to a "living room" meeting for women's ministry at our church. We were encouraged to share what we thought of when we thought of women's ministry and then share the experience we've had in church ministry. ( a little background here....we have a new women's minister and our church is about 8,000 strong, so not everyone knows everyone.)

I opened up and shared my heart about the callings I knew God had placed on my heart, and how I'd felt so stifled in not being really able to serve my church in those ways. It was hard to share, but I wasn't the only one that shared that.

It was really the sweetest experience I've had in a long time. Women I'd been admiring from afar offered hugs and encouragement and sorrow that no one was supporting me in my calling. One even declared her desire to do that from here on out.

I was overwhelmed.

As a daughter of the king, I need not be dependent on the validation of others.

But when you get it, it sure feels nice.

The day I met Bill

2011-08-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, during one of the many "mom's taxi" rides around town, my youngest two boys piped up from the backseat with a question.

"Mom, do you remember the day you met dad?"

It made me smile a big smile. "Yes, I do."

"Was he hot?"

"Yes, he was hot...and he still is."

*giggles* "What did he look like?"

"Pretty much the same as he does now...except his hair was longer, and he was a *little* thinner and had less wrinkles."

"...and a mustache?"

"No, he didn't have a mustache then."

"Where did you meet him?

"Well, do you remember my friend, Dawnell? and teacher Mary?"

"Yep!"

"Well, Dawnell had been away all summer doing mission work in Arizona. Daddy had served at Arizona State University the year before. They met up at a camp at the end of the summer and drove to Idaho with some other people. Dawnell was coming home. Daddy was moving here, and some others were coming home too. So teacher Mary threw a 'Welcome home, Dawnell and Welcome to Idaho, Bill' part at their house...and that is where we met."

"...and then you fell in love?"

"Well, not right away. You see, daddy already had a girlfriend and mommy really liked somebody else too. But we fell in love eventually. I fell in love with daddy before he fell in love with me."

*giggles*

I love my boys! It is fun to think back to the first time I laid eyes on him. My heart really was somewhere else at the time, and I knew he was serious about someone else before I met him ( I already knew her). I really didn't think I was going to like this guy from Arkansas that was coming up. I had had some pretty bad experiences with short term mission boys coming to the field.

But he seemed different...like the real deal. I was immediately drawn to his manners and gentleness and good looks...and after a short amount of time, my broken-heart-on-the-mend fell in love with Bill.

Of course there is much to the story than that....like how it took about nine months for him to pay any attention to me.

Even though I stocked him with a camera and pretended to enjoy puzzles, so I could hang out with him.

and tried to win his heart by being his personal barista.

and hosted fun parties to prove my cooking skills and give him opportunities to act really goofy.

But he eventually came around.

Stupidity is easier to recover from than unbelief.

2011-08-23T08:00:00.001-07:00

(reprinted from a March 2007 blog post)

If you think you are doing something out of faith, and it turns out to be stupid, you will learn from it. Our merciful God who knows you were willing to obey as close as you understood will teach you, restore you, and help you recover. You will move on having learned a lesson and grown stronger.

If you don't do something because of unbelief, you have accused God of being stupid - that He doesn't know what He's talking about and doesn't have the power to back up His own command. Hebrews 3:12 warns, "See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God." When we don't believe and don't act, we go on in life in the normal mundane way we always have. It is safe, and we feel that we avoided a possible disaster. We never learn a thing, except that we stayed "safe" in our unbelief. Then the next time we have the opportunity, if God bothers to ask, we feel that playing it safe has always served us well. Might as well stay there. We live our life never knowing what God might have done!

DON'T EVER TRY TO TALK SOMEONE OUT OF THEIR FAITH!!! It's okay if it turns out to be stupid. They will recover. You may not.

The Reason for the "C"

2011-08-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

One of the things you have to think about when you start writing and hope to be published, is whose name you will sign to your work. If your daddy was a bigwig, do you include your maiden name? Do you keep it simple so it looks less formal? Use an alias? Include your middle initial?

In my heart, my daddy is a bigwig. He has been the biggest spiritual influence in my life. So, yes, I thought about using my maiden name...but I've never gone by my name that way...except on Facebook. :) I don't want to use an alias..well, most of the time. Sometimes an alias would come in handy. So, I decided I would just be "Angela Gifford." But guess what? There is more than one Angela Gifford out there!

In fact, there is an Angela Gifford, who is a writer, speaker, and life coach...and she has short brown hair. Her website title sounds like it could be something I would write about and could be mistaken for me by those who didn't really know what they were looking for. (Though, she is a little less internet savvy, apparently because she is harder to find on google now).

So! In comes the letter "C".....my middle initial. I feel kind of formal using my name like that. Angela Gifford sounds just fine to me. Plain and simple. But, there is this thing called branding. Did you know that in today's internet world, you have to think of yourself as a brand? Weird, huh? But it is what it is. So Angela C. Gifford it shall be.

The Lies in "Lies Women Believe"

2011-08-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

So how is that for a title?

I finished "Lies Women Believe" yesterday....well, sort of. I was getting to a point that I wasn't really getting much from it, so I decided to read through the "lies" and if I agreed they were a lie, I would skip the chapter.

I HATE being critical of anyone's writing or of any other woman in ministry, so I have struggled internally with this post for a bit. HOWEVER, I also feel that I have a responsibility to my readers because I have promoted the study all summer, worked to recruit my readers to do it with me, and posted it as the "featured book" on my blog for several weeks. If I didn't come back and say what I'm really feeling, I fear I'd be responsible for leading others astray in some ways.

That said, let me start with the positive points.

What I liked about the book:

I do believe that most of what is in "Lies Women Believe" is an excellent resource for women new to their faith, or women who have come from a background steeped in the lies of our culture. There is a LOT of good truth in it. Personally, I feel I was getting bored in places because being stronger in my faith, I already recognized most of the lies and the book was better as a resource on my shelf than to spend the little time I have reading stuff I already believed (other than God's Word).
I do like that the whole point of the book is to ground your beliefs purely in God's Word. Somebody say, "Amen!"
There were a couple of chapters that I felt God led Nancy to write just for me. :) Lies like "I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings" completely reached in and grabbed my heart. I needed that truth.
There really are some EXCELLENT chapters on sin and our identity.

What I didn't like about the book:

As a recovering legalist, I'm horribly disturbed anytime someone takes an area in Scripture that isn't black and white and makes it black and white. Unfortunately, I fear that there are some statements in this book that could cause women to believe a lie or two. Sections on family size and depression and about the woman's role as the helper had some good points in them, but they also had some questionable points in them, and I would be horrified if someone seeking truth decided to swallow it all hook, line, and sinker....which leads me to my next point.
Nancy Leigh DeMoss is not married, nor does she have children. Do you have to be married to know what God's Word says about marriage? Absolutely not. Truth is truth is truth. However, teaching on marriage and children from someone who has never experienced it rings very hollow to me. There is such a difference in teaching from someone who knows truth because they've studied it in God's Word and others' lives and teaching from someone who has come to know the truth because they've struggled through the actual living of it. Nancy, unfortunately, couldn't keep my attention in some of these chapters because it was all factual and not personal. I was probably most turned off to the areas on family size and depression because they are areas very personal to me that my husband and I have prayed through, sought counsel on, and struggled through for years. God led us to some very different conclusions, that I believe to be truth.
I don't like that it isn't a book that I could just hand to someone and recommend in its entirety. I feel I would need to preface and explain and really walk someone through it.

All in all, I do feel that in most circles, it would be an excellent Bible study to use for a group. Women in relationship, doing it together, would hopefully be able to encourage and challenge each other with their own perspectives on the questionable items. That is of course....if the leader that everyone looks up to doesn't also believe everything the writer says to be as good as God's Word itself.

What are you afraid of?

2011-08-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

We have the most amazing dog on the planet. I know I'm biased, but I would say he is just about perfect. This comes from someone who really isn't an animal person. In fact, I dug my heels into the ground for as long as I could before my boy household added a pet. But boys need dogs, and Bill picked a good one.

Buddy would often lightly clasp the arms of our toddlers in his teeth, when they wondered to the edge of our Arkansas country yard; so they wouldn't wander off. They would stand there and cry until I came and got them, unharmed, but trapped.

Here at our Idaho mountain home, he has gotten between our boys and a bear two times. He trees coons, eats bees, knows his boundaries, and leaves the deer alone.

However, last week, we discovered what Buddy is afraid of..........balloons. That's right. Our bear chasing, coon treeing, protector is afraid of balloons.

We discovered this after Clayton brought a package home from camp and proceeded to blow up the entire package. We couldn't figure out why Buddy was SO clingy that night and didn't put two and two together until the next day. When balloons started popping, Buddy came and literally sat on my feet under my desk the entire day.

I guess everyone and everything has their fears. I've learned through the book-writing and attempts at publishing, that I'm afraid of going after success. Why? because even more than that I'm afraid of failure....and if I don't try to succeed, I won't fail - at least at that one thing. I can hide in the fact that I'm "going to do it one day."

This has been one of many areas that God has confronted me with while going through Lies Women Believe. (I know some of you are disappointed that I haven't shared more going through that study.) It is wrapped up in lies about unfulfilled longings and wrong priorities...that I'm not taking responsibility for.

Do you know what you are afraid of? Can you trace the lie that your fear comes from?

Grandma - a life that shines

2011-08-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

This year while visiting her, my precious 82 year old grandma showed me some old family photos and history of the town her mother was born in. We’ve been to the town before when they had their annual festival, and got a taste of family history. I noticed that my grandma had taken meticulous notes and records of her mom’s family. She had written up a bio of her mom and a bio of her dad.

I asked her if she had written up a bio of herself. “Well, no,” she responded. “That’s my kid’s job”. She explained how a few of them had sent her books over the years that she was to fill out. You know, those that ask you about your courtship and your favorite activities, to record for your loved ones? But she just had never filled them out. The more I talked to her, I think I sensed why.

My sweet grandma, who shines with the light of Jesus, feels a lot of sorrow and regret for a lot of her past. She really didn’t like to talk about it more than factually. So, I got out my laptop and we sat down and I began to record her factual history. There were lots of tears and emotional moments and times she would say, “Now, don’t write this down.”

I knew it was important to get all of this down, but I certainly didn’t want her to feel like I’d dug up the worst things in life….so before we got to the good part, I made her back track a little.

“Grandma, before you go on, tell me about when you found Christ! You left that part out, and it is the best part!”

More tears.

Her voice tremored, then she composed herself and told her story:

“1979 was when I really started living. I was 50. Little Les (a grandson)was born . I went to Washington to be at the birth. We went to Dan’s (my father) church, and I told him that I wanted to be saved. I thought I was, but I just didn’t realize what all there was to it. He suggested I really commit my life to the Lord, and get baptized. When I came out of that water, I truly knew that life was different. My hair was all a mess, and there were so many people there, but I didn’t care. I had so much joy. I just took that baby around and showed him to everyone. I took my Bible back to the logging camp (where her husband worked) and studied hours on end. It all just made sense. I just started memorizing verses and writing them in a notebook. I would go walking and work on those verses. Every now and then I got a chance to come in town and go to church, and I just knew that was all real. I told Don (her husband) what had happened, and He would never go with me, but he didn’t keep me from going. "

“What church Don had been exposed to had been Pentecostal. Don had congestive heart failure, and the doctors told him he needed to find different work, but he didn’t know how to do anything else. He was near death, and he gave his heart to the Lord. He wanted to start going to church, but he wanted to go to a Pentecostal church. So we would drive to Smith’s Ferry to go to a Pentecostal church. It was my first experience with speaking in tongues and dancing and being slain in the Spirit. Sometimes we would go to Boise to church. One night, I had this dream. I could picture it. It was an old oak, paneled, oiled floor. Don was wearing a blue sweater, and he went forward and professed his heart. One night we went to Boise to church and it happened just like this. He came back to his seat and asked if I had felt the wind of the Spirit like he had. He became so on fire for the Lord and became a bold, BOLD witness. He would tell everyone what Jesus would do for you. “

This story won’t mean as much to those of you who don’t know her. But her story is precious to me. I know what a hard life she’s lived. I know what she endured between the time she found Christ and when her husband was saved. I know how many hours she spent on her knees.

What I love about spending time with her is that as long as I have childhood memories, all you see in my Grandma is Jesus. You would never see her past sin. ….just as Christ sees her. She was transformed, and I’m privileged to have her in my life.

I asked her:

What truth did you learn about Christ that was the most transforming? His love. Even when I turned my back on him for so many years, he was always there and loved me.

Working on the Book Cover

2011-08-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

I spent some time painting last night with my boys. We drug out the tempera paints, the watercolors, and brushes in every size. They made sponge-stamped whales, hand-painted sharks, art with their names, and a few other things.

I'm not by any means an artist, but my mind has been pretty much on one thing lately...so my paint brush went to work on the ideas in my head for a book cover.

After my first draft, the boys were actually guessing what it was supposed to be. I call that success.

The second try was better. But never fear, I won't be trying to watercolor the cover. I was just playing.

What do you think?

Clayton thought two parents were trying to strangle a child, so lest you also miss the translation, it is *supposed* to be a mom playing ring around the rosy (or the like) with a couple of kiddos. Like I said....it is just ideas on paper.

I'd love to have your feedback. Pretty please?

Book Editing

2011-08-15T08:00:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last several days at one of my favorite places on earth....grandma's! My grandma is one of the sweetest ladies on the planet, and shines with her love for Jesus. But life didn't start out very good for her.

Sixteen years ago (right after Bill and I were engaged), my grandma married a man that has been a model of God's love to her. She went from a life of living in motels and logging camps to beautiful home with the lake on two sides.

We'll talk about grandma more later, but for now, I'd like to tell you what I was doing while I was there.

The boys spent lots of time fishing and swimming. They couldn't enjoy a place anymore. The best part? We have no access to internet! We are completely unplugged and able to just enjoy God's creation and each other. It's divine.

Bill was very gracious to let me spend a lot of time inside while he took the boys to various fishing holes and explorations, so I could to some manuscript editing. Then I would take them in town for the Huckleberry Festival events, like a ten minute parade, etc. We had the best time!

What was I editing? Well, it has been seven years since I started working on my manuscript. The last time I really dove into it was in January, before I submitted it to the Women of Faith Writing Contest. I only had one day to attack it at that point. Since I began this book, I have added chapters, removed chapters, and moved chapters around. SO, it was time to go back through it from the beginning. I wanted to make sure that everything still flowed, wasn't repetitive, and looked like it needed to before I hand it over to the experts with their red pens to tell me what they see.

You know what I found? Things have changed in seven years! I frequently recommended the use of CD's, when they are becoming more obsolete. I also mentioned a portable phone. It was kind of funny to see how much can change in a short amount of time.

Here's a few pictures from our trip:

Why I Never Blog

2011-08-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Goodness, life is busy! I want to blog. Really, I do. All day long I think of things and say to myself, "I should blog about that!" But sometimes life just takes a lot of energy to live, you know? Forget writing about it all?

BUT! I did want to give you all a few updates.

Thank you to everyone has volunteered to help in some way shape or form to launch "Never Go Hungry Again." I have a photographer. I have editors. I have someone who can get it posted as an ibook. Every time I turn around, God is providing something else. Some things I didn't know I even needed.

I've also found myself stumped a bit here and there in the creative process. Ask me to clean the basement, and I'll get it done. But create a book cover? Design a website? It is all so close to my heart, and I want it all to be just right. It is hard to think objectively and get the job done. I've gone through several periods of discouragement, just doubting my work and what I'm doing. Then I get inspired again. The time is ticking, and I'm feeling a bit panicked!

Speak of cleaning basements...I've been doing that too. Our second born really needs his own space. We lease a large, old house on a mountain. It has great property appeal, but the inside space is a little awkward. We have plenty of room, but not a lot of bedrooms. So we're starting a secret project to give him his own make-shift space. Shh! Don't tell! In a month or so, Papa Dan can commiserate with him about how he had to sleep on the back porch when he was a kid. But this has been quite a process. All four of my brothers and my parents have all relocated since we leased this nice property with a large barn, so guess what became the Brandel storage unit? This week, I will officially have all of their things moved out. One brother showed up here with a truck this weekend and probably regretted it later. The next step was to move all of the yard sale stuff to the barn (well, I guess it will be a barn sale), giveaway a rather large and rather unused piece of exercise equipment, and then completely clear out an entire section of the basement.

I also spent the early part of the summer helping my church build a website for their children's discipleship program. I have building a parent page to go with each weeks' lessons, so parents can dive deeper into the Bible lesson and provide additional activities for them to do with their kids at home during the week. This has met a huge service need in my heart, combining my love for discipleship, parenting skills, bible study, and the world wide web!

I've been muddling through Lies Women Believe very slowly. My local group kind of puttered out before it got going, and my online group has been a little...well....never really got going either. It is harder to get through a study like this by myself, but I'm trying. I've really needed it too, because I cannot even believe how many lies I feel bombarded with at this time in my life.

So how is this going? Well...ugh. I have to remind myself over and over again that my goal is peace. I have two weeks left in my 16 week test study. In 14 weeks, I've only lost 10 pounds. The harder I work, the less progress I make. It has really been discouraging.

...and then there is this thing called work. My hours have been cut back to 20 which is very bittersweet. I'm sure in about two weeks, I'm going to be really sad (when the smaller paycheck comes in). We are praying more than ever for God to step in and give Bill that promotion that has been "just around the corner" since April. In the meantime, I can't say I'm sad to have an extra day off a week and shorter work days. My kids aren't sad either.

I had my 20 year high school reunion! Which really means that my good friend, Kjirstine and I went out to our favorite restaurant with our husbands. We did our home school graduation together 20 years ago. We've never done a reunion before because we live in the same town. Our birthdays are three days a part, so we usually get together around then. But it was fun to sit with our men over amazing Mediterranean food and reminisce over how life has changed.

We did take a fun weekend trip to Seattle for my birthday, where we hit the zoo, Pike's Public Market, the original Starbucks, the Space Needle, the gum wall, and IKEA. The reason we picked that weekend is that some very dear friends were going to be there on their way home from an Alaskan cruise - friends from Miami that I haven't seen in YEARS. It was shweet!

This weekend we're off to see my grandma. It has been two years since we've gone, which makes me feel like a very terrible granddaughter. We hope to make it all the way to Boise to see my brother and some dear friends that just moved there. Other than than, I'm looking forward to a few days sitting on grandma's sunny deck, overlooking the lake, reading a good book or two or three...and maybe editing a manuscript some more.

Blessings!

Big Announcement!

2011-07-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

Hello friends, fellow bloggers, and blog lurkers! I'm excited to give you a sneak peak at something God is doing...well, there isn't really anything to peak at yet - except a plan.

Many of you know that I began to write a book about seven years ago. It is a non-fiction book for moms about a plan God gave me for spending time with him as a mom, when traditional methods just didn't work any more.

In 2007, I submitted it to MOPS, International, as it seemed the most logical fit for a publisher. But they weren't interested in a book on my topic at the time. After that, life got really hard, and I honestly just didn't know what to do with my book anymore. I'm glad, because since that time God has re-written it about four times. He has deepened the message and given me so much new information.

This year, my manuscript was a finalist in the Women of Faith writing contest (in the top 30 of about 700 entries). Even though I didn't win, I was so encouraged and revived in my passion about this topic.

Still, though, I've felt a little lost about how to get it to moms. The experts all say that you need to build your own platform and market yourself...which feels virtually impossible while working full time and raising a family.

I recently listened to an amazing interview between Michael Hyatt and Seth Godin. Michael asked Seth what his number one advice would be to aspiring authors, and Seth said, "Give your first book away." At first that punched me in the gut. After all it is a huge chunk of my life...and I'd be lying to say that I hadn't always hoped it would produce enough income for me to enter the writing world full time and fully focused. However, as I listened to Seth explain the changes in the publishing world, his message really began to resonate inside me.

I've said over and over, "This is God's book." Yes, I'd like to write more full time. But when I remove the piece about needing to make any money off this project, I feel a huge release. I've been so frustrated because I know moms need the information that is sitting on my shelf, and I've been lost as to how to get it to them.

SO...here we go! I'm in the process of editing again to make sure it is really, really ready (since I don't have a professional editor sitting at a publishing company doing it for me). I will then be taking the steps to put the book in e-book and PDF form as a free download until God says otherwise.

It will first be released by another website as their exclusive offering, then offered on its own website shortly after. The launching will begin in about 6-8 weeks.

In the meantime, I'm putting a shout out there to those of you who can pray and help. I have some huge needs that I'm asking God to provide for here. I have no budget at all to do all of this. I'm already giving it away, and already working full time to pay necessary family expenses. God has blessed me in my job the last several years to turn me into a fairly tech-savvy girl who can pretty much build the site and make an e-book...but there are things that I can't do. Maybe you can? or know someone who would want to be a part of this? I need either donated help or donations to hire help. :)

Graphic artist/web designer - I have Adobe PSE9 and limited skills using it. I *can* get by, but I need input. I'm not an artist. I have some ideas in mind but it is quite a bit beyond me.
Photography - I'm also decent in this department...but not at taking pictures of myself. lol. I could use some professional shots.
Digital video camera - I just need one. I have a very talented, skilled son at taping and editing, but we don't have any equipment. I will start with my webcam as necessary, but I'm asking God for something more versatile.
Blog Link ups - I would love to have a massive blog release on the day the book goes live on its own site. If you have a blog and would like to be a part of helping me launch the book on the day it releases, would you fill out this form?
Social Media Following - The more followers, the merrier when it comes to getting the word out there. You can follow my author page on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and follow me here to get the latest news!

Thank you so much for praying, encouraging, helping, and cheering this project on!

Get your books!!.....and Making Memories

2011-06-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

There's a little place downtown Spokane, that I've been noticing for over 15 years now. I first noticed it when I tried on a wedding dress across the street. Mostly, I noticed the architecture, and knew there had to be some fun history behind it.

A couple of months ago, we took the boys to a movie at an old theater, and I saw it again. I hadn't been in that area forever. I noticed it was now a restaurant. So yesterday, when we had to go to that part of town, and we needed to eat dinner, guess what I thought would be fun!

...AND it was! Burgers, fries, milkshakes, patty melts. Yep! Don't worry, I got a salad instead of fries and skipped the shake (well, I got a little bowl of ice cream on the side).

Today is Father's Day! At least once a year, I try to pick out a book that will help me be a better lover to my man. I'm excited because my new book came in the mail yesterday, along with our new Bible study material. I can't share the title this time because, it would be sharing one of the hidden places of his heart that he isn't ready to share. But I still need to know how to love him through it.

Some of the books I've read that have helped me relate and better love my man are:

Love and Respect

The Power of a Praying Wife

For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men

Building Your Mate's Self-Esteem

Sacred Sex

Boundaries in Marriage

Okay! So on to our Bible Study!

Get Your books! Do you have your books yet? You can probably pick them up from a local book store if you need to. Or you can order them from Christian Book Distributors. Or Amazon.

Do you need both the book and the study guide? This really depends on the kind of experience you want to have with the study. The study guide, guides you through five days of homework each week. Part of your homework is reading certain parts of the book. If you only get the book, you can read the same chapter(s) every week and use the discussion questions at the end. It isn't necessary to participate in the group study. However, the study guide will cause you to dig deeper into God's Word and not just read someone else's thoughts. With Made to Crave, the study guide really made the experience for me, and I really feel it will be the same with this study too. So the long and short of it? It is up to you!

How long is the study? The study will be 10 weeks long. Because of that, I'd like us to start one week earlier than planned, so we don't go into September when school starts around here. I know that school starting changes everyone's schedules.

So the local and online studies will both go from June 28 - August 30.

Local study recap:

Location - CDA Public Library (first night will be in the Jameson Room)
6:30 - 8:00 p.m., exact time is still being worked on.

Online study recap:

Click here to join Goodreads and join our study group.
Let me know if you have any problems.

Hope you join us!!!

Lies Women Believe - Study Update

2011-06-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Okie dokie! I have some brilliant friends....friends who are always challenging me with things I would have never thought of! Kira at Kissing the Joy as it Flies, tipped me off to something called Goodreads. I'd never heard of Goodreads. But apparently, we can use it to have an online book club discussion. SO, if you do not live locally, but would still like to do the Lies Women Believe study with me, please join us at Goodreads, by clicking right here! Now, I haven't really started anything there yet, so don't get ahead of me. I'm still waiting for my book in the mail! ......and I'm still totally learning about how to use Goodreads ...and not sure I'm doing it all correctly. But I bet, if you join the group, I will be able to send you a handy dandy notification of some sorts when were ready to actually start. Woo hoo!

If you DO live locally, it's all set....well mostly.

We will be meeting Tuesday nights
Starting July 5
No childcare
Location and exact time TBA

Can I just say that I hate typing the words "no childcare"? I know how important it is to so many people. I just don't have the resources to make it available. I've got some things in the works for a location, and the time is waiting on that. SO, I will keep you posted. But if you are interested, please either comment here or e-mail me, so that I know to make sure you get all the details even if you miss a blog post. :)

Challenge Week

2011-06-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

A couple month's ago, my co-worker announced she would be having surgery soon and would need a week off work. No problem.

Then the surgery was scheduled, and the week she needed off was the first week my kids were out of school....and I would need to cover for her instead of just working from my house. Okay. This will be interesting, but it is what it is.

I got permission to have some flexible hours that week, and go in when Bill was home. If he worked days, I'd go in during the evening and vice versa.

Then Bill was asked to go on his first business trip with his current company............that same week.

Oy!

So, it will be challenge week.

I can do all things through Christ! I can do all things through Christ! I can do all things through Christ!

Hear me talking myself into this?

The Confused Trainer

2011-06-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, my trainer appeared to be confused this morning.

After all, is he not a spectacular trainer? Does he not know what he is doing? Did I not swear I was following his directions?

Then how can a girl, working out 5 days a week and counting her calories only lose one pound in five weeks?

I'm special, that's why.

How could my BMI only have dropped .2 points?

I'd like to know that as well.

I do have more energy. I am stronger...in fact that is my fear.

I had explained to trainer Nate at our last appointment that I come from a long line of dense-muscled folk. I explained that I really didn't want to get bulky.

He listened....sorta, I think...which is why he told me to only pull 25 pounds on my bicep curl. Pshaw! That's not even a work out.

So today, trainer Nate says, "NO MORE WEIGHTS!" Trainer Nate says its ALL cardio this week, and if I don't drop two pounds this week, find him.

I think he might take it personally.

Lies Women Believe

2011-06-08T20:57:00.000-07:00

So here's what I'm thinking.....

You, me, Lies Women Believe (and the truth that sets them free), Wednesday nights, July/August

Who's In?

The War within My Soul

2011-06-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

The verse I picked at the beginning of this journey, that seemed to sum up what was going on inside of me, was I Peter 2:11.

"Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul."

I realized that I had allowed something as simple as food to begin waging a war within me. Should I eat it? Should I not eat it? I feel guilty if I eat it, but it looks so good....

There are several wars raging in my soul at this point in my life, and two of them are in conflict with each other. I've often felt I cannot fully win my war against my over indulgence, until I've healed from my other war.

I've blogged a lot recently about my journey to conquer legalism in my life. That journey has given me somewhat a hatred of rules.

The Made to Crave journey has asked me to be more disciplined, to make a plan, to chart out my eating plan and stick to it...to tell myself "no."

Inside I'm screaming, "NO! Don't put me back in a box!!"

In a sense, I'm seeing that as much as I have sought balance in my life, I have thrown some valuable disciplines out that were really worth keeping.

Rules are not always bad. There ARE good rules. I was reminded of that this last week, as flashing lights in my rear view mirror yielded an $85 speeding ticket. God gave rules for our safety. Discipline (or self-control) is a fruit of the spirit -certainly not a negative thing.

So here's to winning a war!

Changing of Seasons

2011-06-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, I attended the kick-off of high school summer youth group.

"Why, Angela," you may ask, "Why on earth would you be at a high school event? You certainly aren't old enough to have kids in high school!"

Well, thank you.

I wish that were true. However, we are entering that season. sigh. I really never thought it would be here.

Monday we'll attend the grand finale of middle school youth group for the same kid. BUT that same night, will be the grand introduction for the next one!

When my babes were little, everyone told me over and over again, "It goes by so fast."

I didn't believe them. Not at all. Nothing seems fast about endless piles of laundry, dishes, and poopy diapers.

But they were right. It goes by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was going to be a mom. Today, I'm getting ready for their high school experience.

Life is busy and full. The spaces on the calendar are barely large enough for me to cram everyone's events in each square. My parents are coming for a visit this weekend. Papa will take the boys fishing, and they can't wait!

I'm preparing for my office to be full of boys for the summer, and wondering how creative I can get this year. Maybe the teenage sleeping schedule will pay off in that respect. ?? Maybe?

How's life in your corner of the world?

One rock at a time

2011-05-31T10:27:00.000-07:00

Credits

At our last (bonus) session of our Made to Crave study group, Lysa TerKeurst shared a story about a time one of her sons tried to cheat his way into something that was taking to long to do by his own ability. The way her husband chose to teach him a lesson was to have him move an entire truckload of rocks from the pickup in their front driveway, to the other side of a pond in the back of their property....by hand.

When he had finished moving the rocks, her husband explained to him, that the prayer he'd prayed every night, asking God to move a mountain for him, was being answered. God was moving the mountain one rock at a time.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have to tell you that this insight has been life-changing for me.

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

I've heard that verse a thousand times, if I've heard it once....and you know what I envision in my head every single time? A faith so great that I could just tell a mountain to move and it would pick up its giant self and move, all at once, from one place to another.

I've never thought about the faith that moves the mountain one rock at a time. It is hard to see the mountain move that way. It is a slow, discouraging process, and so easy to focus on the giant part of the mountain that hasn't gone anywhere than to see the small hill of rocks that have moved from one place to another.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not in anyway saying that God doesn't still miraculously pick up giant mountains and move them to another place. I believe he still does. However, for many, I believe that the faith He is building in us involves a long term trust. It would certainly be easier to believe that we can move mountains, when we've witnessed him do so time after time. It is a great faith...but is it a deep faith? What happens when you've witnessed instant miracle after instant miracle, and then the miracles stop being instant. Do you think that the miracles have stopped? Do you still see them? Do you feel that it is your fault? That maybe your faith isn't strong enough? That maybe God doesn't see you anymore? Do you stand there waiting for the mountain to move...crossing your arms in front of you like Jeannie, and just keep trying to blink and blink, wondering what happened to your magic?

Or do you realize that they faith you need today is an enduring one...a faith that trusts that if you keep moving one rock at a time, through good times and bad, never losing site of what you believe God is doing. Do you realize that makes a great faith? A strong faith?

I'll admit, my faith has not always been strong and enduring. In fact there is one mountain in our lives that I flat gave up on last week. I said I was done waiting and I was going to move on. But God is merciful....and just yesterday he showed us that he one rock at a time, was actually making some progress. He spoke, "You're giving up too soon."

Is there any place in your life that you feel you're giving up too soon? Are you tired of moving one rock at a time and not seeing the progress you'd like to see? I pray God encourages your heart today, like He has mine.

Blessings!

The End of the Beginning

2011-05-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

Well, this morning I head off to my last Made to Crave group meeting. It is hard to believe that I began this journey seven weeks ago. I definitely feel like the Biggest Loser contestants when they say, "This is just the beginning."

I'm ending this part of the journey, weighing as much as I did when I started. I haven't really lost any weight at all. Just up and down with the same 2-3 pounds.

But I am stronger, more energetic, and healthier. I don't try to avoid the active things my family wants to do. Instead, I initiate them.

I've overcome some big mental hurdles, and gotten some things right with God. I've also seen more and more revealed that I need to tackle.

Basically, I feel like I've accomplished the biggest goal of the journey.

PEACE

I'm certainly not finished. I have a lot of work to do. I've seen God reveal that my eating is certainly not the only area that I've let get out of control. The roots of my issues are a lot deeper, and the healing must go deeper to.

But I've had a good start....and on we go!

The Enemy of Eating Well....and lots of other things

2011-05-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

It's almost midnight, and I finally have a moment to myself. Last week was full of last soccer games, end of the year programs, birthday parties, extra rehearsals/practices, and the usual calendared weekly events.

BUSYNESS!

I've literally been running from one thing to the next. So much for my evenly spaced, well thought out, calorie planned meal system. I have skipped meals, hit the drive-through and licked my finger silly while frosting birthday cakes (with heavenly, homemade butter cream frosting).

Busyness is the enemy of so many things: healthy relationships, healthy bodies, healthy minds, healthy spirits.

I've began to realize how little I plan ahead these days. I never have the 10 minutes I need to plan the next day or meals for the next week, etc.....so I end up scrambling at the last minute. ev. ry. time!

So that is my next thing to attack: Planning!

I used to be so good at it. I need to dust off my organizing hat and get with it!

....and honestly, things really just need to slow down a bit.

I took a salad to the park tonight and let the boys play for an hour. It was divine!

My New Sign

2011-05-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

Remember the sign I made or myself last week? Well, I had a sweet time in God's Word this weekend, and He gave me the words for a new sign....you know, the truth to combat the lie I was believing in my head: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Some of the biggest frustrations in my life all revolve around the calling I feel He has put on my life to write, teach, and speak. But I don't see Him fulfilling that calling. I live in this tension in my soul from the fire that burns within, believing intently that I know what I was made to do.....and yet realizing that the God Who called me...the One Who is in charge, has not opened the doors for it to really be fulfilled.

I continually force myself to remember Moses and Joseph and Abraham who all waited what seemed like a lifetime for God to fulfill promises and do what He had already told them He would do. We don't really think about the waiting period they went through. I mean 40 years goes by pretty fast in half a chapter. Even Jesus, didn't begin his ministry on earth until age 30, and it was only three years long. We don't hear a thing about him between age 12 and 30. That's 18 years of his 33!

So you want to see my new sign? The medicine to my soul?

This verse is life to me. I've been repeating it over and over and over in my heart this week.

What is your favorite life-giving verse? I'd love to hear!

Kicked Out of Spinning Class

2011-05-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

...and once again, I don't mean

Knitting Naturally.com

Though, I'm certain, if I ever tried that, I would possible be kicked out of that too!

No, ladies and gentlemen, I've been kicked out of Spinning Class.

fitceleb.com

Why? Well, it seems I might be a liability.

Do you remember me telling you last week about the pain in my foot? I wish I could reference the post. But apparently Blogger had a few issues last week which resulted in them losing a few random posts for people....and well, it appears that my brilliant Death by Spinning post is temporarily (or perhaps permanently) lost in the archives of Google somewhere.

Well, here's the deal, my friends and blog stalkers,

I was born with crooked legs.

My right leg is far worse than my left one. The doctor told my parents that I would grow out of it...and I was the first born...you know, the guinea pig child. No offense, I have one of my own. Its just how it is. ...and the doctor is dead, and I can't yell at him.

But I never outgrew it. I've had pain in my hips since I was 15. I assume it is because I rotate my legs outward from the hip, in order to be able to walk. It has been my life as I know it, and I no longer really think it is strange. Well, I guess 14 years of avoiding exercise, it quit being a problem.

In gymnastics there were certain things I just could never do, because I couldn't land with a straight leg. I can't water ski cause I can't hold the skis straight. Snow skiing is painful because it is a lot of effort to hold the skis straight and snowplowing wears me out. (However, snowboarding allowed me to mount my bindings at a comfortable position.) I can't swim straight. My rudder is broken. I would continuously be laughed at as a kid for the way my feet flew out when I ran. I just got brave enough in my middle-aged skin to start running last year.

At 15, when the pain began in my hips, my parents took me back to the doctor...well, not the same doctor. He was already dead. This doctor told my parents that he could cut through the tibia and turn it, but he was hesitant to do so at the age I was, lest he damage the growth plate. My parents agreed.

...and I got so tall.

Not!

Anyway, again, I don't blame my parents. I was the guinea pig, remember. I had a brother born that year. He had crooked legs. He got put in braces to straiten them, and grew into a star athlete. That's right, lil' Antny, I took one for the team!

So back to spinning class.....

The problem with the spinning machine, is that you really have to strap your feet in. My right foot feels completely unnatural in that position, but I tried. I tried three times. After the second class, I let my teacher know it hurt.

The conversation went something like this:
Trainer: How are you liking the class?
Me: I really like it, but I'm having some pain.
Trainer and Fit girl in unison: Oh, no!
Trainer: You should never hurt.
Me: Well, I have crooked legs. (look down to direct their eyes)
Fit girl: (Gasp!) What happened? Were you injured?
Me: No, I was born this way.
Trainer: Oh, wow! That looks really awkward.
Fit girl: How do you even do that?

I went on and explained that my foot didn't feel right in the bindings and that if I try to rotate it at all, my heel kicks the bike. But if I keep it straight, it feels like someone is twisting it, and the pain is quite distracting.

My trainer suggested we try some things with the bindings at my next class and see if it helped at all.

....and it didn't.

My endurance was better this class. I participated a lot more. I felt stronger....and just downright proud of myself.

But my foot was really hurting. The harder I worked, the more it hurt. It hurt most when I was standing, so I decided to try to finish the workout sitting down.

...and then my foot went numb.

That can't be good.

After class, the trainer broke the news to me.

"Well, you tried. You really did. Thanks for trying."

I'll admit I'm bummed that it doesn't work for me. I really was enjoying it, and it is "beast" at burning calories (as my kids would say). I've been a little sad today, as I often feel the list of things I can't do just keeps growing. So I'm going to have to work harder at growing the list of CANS.

Death by Spinning

2011-05-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

Not

But

Credits

The Biggest Hole

2011-05-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

As I began journaling through some things this week, I began to see a common theme in the hurts that have left scars and holes in my heart.

We were asked to draw or paste a picture in our books that would represent our woundedness.

I drew this.....(well, kind of. I drew something like it. Then I played artist on Photoshop)

Failed relationships....not good enough

Rejected by those I loved.......not good enough

Insecure in academics......not good enough

Always falling short of the "standards"....not good enough

No college degree.......not good enough

Denied service opportunities.........not good enough

Insecure newlywed.......not good enough

Seen as unimportant.....not good enough

Rejected by publishers.....not good enough

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

But those are just feelings, often based on lies. Lies that I believed and allowed to control my feelings, which I promptly told to "put a cork in it!" and not work through.

So using Philippians 4:8 as my guide, I wrote out some truths today to help me steer my feelings to a better "parking place."

I was always "good enough" and at the same time I don't need to be "good enough" - because Jesus is good enough to cover me.
Even when I wasn't perceived "good enough" by others, I was true to myself.
Just because I often felt "not good enough," doesn't mean that others always saw me that way.
No matter if I was horribly wronged, we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
In the past, I know my character was solid.
What I know to be admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy in my life right now? My attitude and my openness with others.
What I want to remember about my past? I always sought the Lord.
What I want to hope for in the future? A family that seeks Him together.
In what ways am I uniquely equipped to understand others because of my emotional wounds? I have a lot of compassion for others who can't seem to measure up.

Those are just a few of the things I worked through on Week Five, Day 4 of my Made to Crave Participant's Guide. I really recommend that if you decide to read the book, that you get the participant's guide. Even if you can't do the video sessions anywhere, you will still benefit from plenty of material in the book. The book almost feels a bit incomplete without it.

Anyway.....have you identified some holes in your heart? If you're like me, you might need God's help to point them out. ....and once He does, don't forget to ask Him for the truths that will help heal them.

He's good like that!

Holes in my Heart

2011-05-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

Image Credits

Well, here I am, finishing up week five of Made to Crave. I've lost the same 2 pounds over and over and over again. I'm really hoping that now that I'm in an exercise/eating routine, I will lose some new pounds soon.

BUT, regardless, the journey is just beginning and has definitely been worth it so far. This week, in our study, we've been talking about the holes in our hearts. We all have them. Some were left by neglect or abuse. Some by rejection. It could be as small as being the out of place kid that never fit in or as large as being abandoned by a parent or even a spouse. But we all have them.

God knew that I couldn't stand the pain of having all my holes exposed at once. He has tenderly exposed them little by little over the years, giving me the chance to see them, and let Him heal them. I go through stages of feeling like I'm healed and complete, and then realize that I still have more holes.

Some people know what their holes are and they wear them proudly. I, on the other hand, arrived in to adulthood being fairly out of touch with my own feelings and emotions. I've often not even identified my own pains. I've often told myself that I don't feel much at all. "I'm just not that way."

BUT, the reality is, I do feel....but not for long. As soon as I start to feel, I stuff a cork in that hole and make it stay. Sometimes my corks are made out of a scrub brush, sometimes they're made out of chocolate, sometimes they're made out of a volunteer project. But no matter what they're made of, they are intended to plug a hole instead of giving it the space to heal.

What holes do you have in your heart? I'm pretty sure I've identified my biggest one. Want to know what it is?

You'll have to wait until tomorrow! Neener! Neener!

Treadmillaphobia and the other thing I've NEVER done.

2011-05-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

So I had my first appointment with a personal trainer. We'll call him Nate - cause that's his name. Nate is the perfect match for me. He is polite and personable, but strait-forward and there for business. Of course he is half my age.

First Nate made me get on the scale. I don't like their scale. It is even meaner than mine. But Nate gave me three pounds for my clothes. Yay, Nate!

Then we sat down and talked about my goals and measured my BMI, which though the numbers make absolutely no sense to me...and how you can hold your arms out and squeeze a steering wheel like object, and it tells you how fat you are, Nate said my numbers were actually pretty good. Yay, Me!

Then Nate got really mean.

He told me I have to start counting calories. This did not bring me excitement and joy. at. all. I've NEVER counted my calories. THEN, he told me he wanted me to eat 5 times a day, three hours apart, and not exceed 300 calories per time. It sounded fine, until I picked up my Power Bar bite package and read that the contents were 300 calories!

Do you know how many calories are in food? I'm afraid this is really going to cramp my style.

Then Nate said it was his turn to beat me up. I didn't think that was very nice, but I tried to laugh a little.

Then Nate took me out to the treadmills.

I HATE treadmills. I'm afraid of them. I can't keep my balance. I know I'm going to fall. They scare me.

But Nate told me I had to warm up. He acted like I should know how to use a treadmill already...like keeping balance on a moving floor is just a normal, everyday part of life, that most pushing 40 year olds should know how to do. But not me. I've never spent more than three seconds on one. I have treadmillaphobia.

After Nate set all my speeds, etc., he left me there. By myself. So who was going to make sure I didn't fall on my face? Who was going to wipe up the blood and call the ambulance when I knocked my teeth out and gave myself a concussion?

I did survive. I kept a straight face. I didn't fall on my face or get injured anyway, and I stayed on for the entire five minute warm up.

Then we were on to weights. Weights I understand. There is no really "new" technology in weight machines from my younger gym days. We got my weight routine set and written out. I found out about the classes that would help me. Spinning (looks so painful), Zumba (looks so embarrasing), Sr. Adult strength training (hmm.... sounds tempting).

So here we go! I'm off!

...and guess where I went first thing on Mother's Day? Yep, the gym!...because it is where I wanted to be. Unfortunately, I didn't think I worked out long enough to curb my way over 300 calorie Mother's Day dinner at Wing Stop. Sigh.

I Want It, and I Want It NOW!

2011-05-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

At home group tonight, we talked about the parable of the prodigal son. We looked at the three main characters in the story: the father, the son who stayed, and the son who left.

We were asked the question: "Which character do you most identify with?"

There have been times in my life, where I looked at the parable in the sense of the long term. As in, I've always been the faithful, loyal one that did what I was told and resented those that went and did what they wanted. But tonight, I was thinking of it more in terms of the daily decisions that I make.

The Father was the one who welcomed back the son who had left...the one who took advantage of him, insulted him, and disgraced him. He didn't gather the family around and say, "This is my son. He's really messed up and gone to the depths, but..." He said, "He's back! Let's party!"

The son who stayed, did all the right things, but resented it. He resented not being acknowledged for his efforts and faithfulness. He resented the renegade brother being welcomed back with celebration.

Then there was the son who just wanted all his rewards NOW. He would have gotten that inheritance later, probably with blessing. But he wanted it right then....and he squandered it.

Today, I realized that I often daily live bouncing back and forth between the attitudes of the two sons.

Some days I remain faithful in my time with God, my eating, and my willingness to deny myself the things I want. But I often do it resentfully, gazing at those outside my window who are having fun doing what they want and still having everything turn out okay.

Some days I just want all my pay outs now. I don't want to deny myself any more cupcakes or chocolate chip cookies. I don't want to wait for God's timing in my writing endeavors. I just want what I want, and I want it now.

Either way, I end up running back to the Father, begging His forgiveness and humbled by his welcome embrace and celebration at my return.

What about you?

Back in the Saddle

2011-05-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here's me, my bad self, in cute workout duds, with a fob for the gym. Yep! Yep! I'm all in, baby!

I'm four weeks into Made to Crave and have lost two pounds...and I'm NOT happy about that. I'm at peace knowing that I'm conquering internal demons and making good choices. But I still realize that something isn't right.

So I met with a trainer, who reminded me that if I just eat less, my metabolism will just slow down. He reminded me things that my former gymnast self knew....like muscle burns fat....numbers on the scale shouldn't be my goal, but BMI and measurements. I know this because I weighed more at my peak of fitness than I did when I got married. Then, I was just small.

I got a postcard in the mail this week for a local gym that was doing a promotion. I figured there would be a few catches, but I decided not to make excuses. I called. I went. I signed up. I will be in a 16 week test group, have a personal trainer, and be required to check in three times a week, having someone sign off on my participation.

I had to write out why I would be a good candidate for the study, and I have to admit that at first I stared at it and thought, "I don't know. I'm probably not. I'm not really ideal for anything." But I fought those lies and wrote out how I was determined, was ready, and knew I could do it!

I'm looking forward to trying Zumba, getting back on the weight machines, forcing myself to make the time, and just feeling better in general.

Yay, me!

Oh, and yes, I cut and colored my hair again. No matter what color I try, my hair comes out red. I think it just wants to be red. Bill says it definitely matches my personality....no, I don't like the cut. I actually paid someone this time and proved to myself that it isn't worth the money because hairstylists just make me cry, unless they are Cassidy Austin, who has retired...okay, so that makes me cry too! Boo!

Others May, I Cannot

2011-05-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

One of the things were working on in our Made to Crave study is discovering the lies we believe that cause us to make bad choices, asking God to show us the truth of the situation, and identifying a verse that will help us remember the truth.

This is such an effective tool. It made a world of difference for me when I was doing "Breaking Free" all seven times. But I'd never even recognized that the reasons I eat what I eat for comfort are wrapped up in lies.

The biggest lie that I've let defeat me into making bad choices?

It's not fair!

Everyone else gets to have cake. Everyone else is eating donuts this morning. Why do I have to miss out? It's not fair!

This lie has suckered me into many other lies. One little.....won't hurt. It's a special occasion. I'll work it off later.....

The truth?

Yes, they can eat it...and you can to. But the truth is, it isn't beneficial to you. It slowly defeats you.

My verse: “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 1 Corinthians 10:23

The truth is that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and I want to be constructive and do what is beneficial....and sometimes it means missing out on the things that others can do.

As my dad used to always say...."Others may. I cannot."

Failures and Victories

2011-05-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

So let's do a little weekend recap, shall we?

Saturday started out really well. I ate my customary bowl of Meuslix, and headed to three soccer games in the freezing rain. We usually have donuts on Saturday mornings, so I'd promised the boys we'd grab them on the way home from the games. I did go through a coffee drive through after dropping both boys off with responsible adults to get warmed up for their games. But I didn't feel guilty about it. It wasn't an emotional thing. I was freezing and needed something warm in me and in my hands. End of story.

I went to the games with two boys and came home with four (friends who needed a ride to a later event). We went and picked up a prescription, turned in some ink cartridges for recycling, and picked up donuts. I did not eat a single one!...not even 1/2...not even a trimmed corner off of my favorite kind.

Victory!

We picked up another friend that would be staying the night with us and went home for a quick regroup. I got something good to eat and then loaded all seven boys in the van, dropped three off at an event, at went to visit my friend and boss, who has been on bedrest with her 5th little bun in the oven. My boys seemed to somehow accumulate a soda pop at each stop. Somehow, in the last stop, everyone got a pop but my youngest....and he was very sad...and I decided to take care of him by stopping be the gas station and keeping things fair. ...and in that moment I believed I needed one too.

Fail!

....and then there was home for a big family dinner and rice with creamy sauce and brownies and ice cream, and I believed it wasn't fair that I couldn't have some.

Fail!

But, when I took the hot cinnamon rolls out of the oven Saturday night, and forego the customary "just one" before bed when they are hot.

Victory!

Sunday, I woke up and stepped on the scale and faced the reality that I can't afford indulgences. I'm really going to have to take this seriously. I also began to see the pattern of losing weight during the work week and gaining it back on the weekend. It is easy to "be good" when it is just me all day. But when the weekend hits and there are special occasions and family dinners and pit stops between games and events, it is really hard to stay on track. I need to be better prepared.

So Sunday, I made really good food choices all day. It was hard to not eat a single cinnamon roll. But I enjoyed my granola and almond milk. I cleaned my house in the sunshine. (Victory for sunshine!), spent some time with God, and went for a three mile run.

Victory!

That's right. You heard it hear. I'm Angela Gifford, and I went for a three mile run. I got past my sentiments of the "E" word and just did it....and it felt good.

So, this morning I stepped on the scale disappointed with the number, but totally at peace inside because I honestly did everything I could the day before. My heart is right with God. I made healthy choices. I made him priority, and I obeyed.

Victory!